* How to be the Crazy-Stalker-Jerk on Facebook

Etiquette, people! ETIQUETTE!

Many of you reading this got onto Facebook to keep in touch with your kids, grandkids, etc. Amm-i-rite? Well, I bet you haven't seen them on there much lately anymore. Have you noticed? Do you wonder why? Well, you're so not the cool parent/grandparent any more. And you're probably ticking others off for the same reason.

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1. Are you liking every single thing that anyone, or a particular person or two post? Guess how many times you're racking up those notification numbers...but not in a good way...

If someone sees they have 47 notifications, and it turns out it's because you have found me & liked every picture, status &/or link I've posted for the last 5 days...ummm...yeah. That's creepy & weird. Especially if you feel like you need to catch up for 5 hours...don't like the 25 things that one person has posted in that time frame. Really. It's weird & creepy. Flattering...but creepy...and weird.


2.  Same as the likes, what about comments? Are you commenting on every single status or picture that a particular person or two is putting up? It's not necessary. Just because there's a conversation going on doesn't mean you have to join in!


3. If 1 person posts something on another person's wall/timeline, it's usually a convo between the 2 of them. When you jump in & start making comments or liking or liking the comments...it's a bit stalkerish. So I highly recommend that if you want to have conversation with that person...do it thru the inbox chat. Seriously. It keeps out the creepers.


4. PICTURES - People post pics of things going on in their lives. (See # 1.) If you keep liking every picture, or nearly every picture, it's daunting going thru all the notifications. Same with comments (more on this in a moment). If you like most every picture...take the option of liking the whole album. It's OK to like a picture or 2...but limit the in-album likes.


5. PICTURE COMMENTS - Ok, people...there is no need to comment on EVERY or nearly every picture in an album!! Going thru these happens to be more daunting than the likes that come in! If you have something to say about a picture you like, then great...do it! If you are commenting to just comment...stop it!

If there is a description on the picture already...let it stand. You do not need to give your own commentary about what's happening, whether you were there or not. Let the one posting give the information. And, for those who think it's cute & witty to caption a picture, STOP IT! You are only allowed to caption a picture if the one posting warrants it.

General Example: I had posted a few pictures in an album. I had to leave for a bit, and my phone kept going off because 1 or 2 people continually commented &/or liked every picture in it. Not only was my phone nearly dead, I came home to nearly 100 notifications...all from the 1 or 2 people giving commentary or liking every picture...PLUS the whole album!


6. Tagging - Folks, only tag pictures that a certain person is in. Do NOT add 20 names to a picture just so they can eventually come across to see something they had no part of. And only tag someone different if the person(s) in the picture do not have Facebook & so you are letting their parents, spouse, etc. know they are in the picture. And if I don't tag my own family...it's not up to you to do it. And, much like captioning, tag only when the one posting warrants it!


7. Links from other pages: *sigh* This one is frustrating. So many of you get super sucked into Facebook's stalking ploy. Right now, newsfeed & the stalker box (aka - ticker) shows pretty much everything going on with a user's activity. There's way more cons than pros to this! However, when someone comments or likes an update or picture on a page they like...it bizarrely opens it up for anyone to latch onto! My suggestion is to look first. If you see that so-&-so liked/commented on such-&-such-page link...DO NOT JOIN IN!!!!! Well, unless you like the page, too.

Example: If I like a picture or comment on a status on a page...and I see that someone I know who probably doesn't even know about that page has either shared the pic (more on that in a moment) or has given their input in the comments after...well, I know you got sucked in & know you got there because I had activity there. That, my friends, is creepy. This is why I have backed off of commenting or liking much of anything from some of my favorite pages...because of you crazy people!


8. SHARING - Ok...*sigh* I know I was guilty of this, but I started seeing too many of you joining in with the extra liking commenting & sharing...so the notifications were building up quickly. And it was weird & stalkery. But many of you are using your Facebook experience to share pretty much anything from anyone from anywhere. Whew! It is overwhelming!! So...when you are just jumping on sharing something from a page that I just liked...and I know that's where you got it, even if I didn't share it...CREEPY!! If I actually share it...open game! Share away!

Also...make sure you actually get the joke or quote before you share it. I have seen where many will like, comment or share with a comment...and you didn't understand what it was actually about.


9. DECIDE - the things you share are telling of the person you are or claim to be online. If you are posting a caring post of prayer or inspiration or spirituality...and want to build a positive air, then do NOT post things that want to shoot things up, throwing religion under the bus, over political negativity! You have shown true hypocritical colors, folks. And it's ugly!

Also, if someone has a positive post, don't drag it down with your mean-headed grumpy mood if you don't agree. If there's something worth debate, then great...but don't jump in with "attack mode" & expect to demand respect. Do NOT get grumpy if you get shut down after you have awful comments on someone else's post. If someone hijacks YOUR post (more on that in a moment), then you have every right to block them, tell them off, unfriend them...whatever. You control your own posts!


10. Hijacking - Please people...please! Do not ever, Ever, EVER use someone else's post to highlight your own trips, day plans, causes, mundane doings unless it is warranted. If someone shares a nice picture...do not take the opportunity to look at something else or that it reminds you of your cause or that you got off a plane & had a great trip. We do not have the same circles, necessarily. Share it with your own circles...do not inform mine.


11. Vaguebooking - Hey! You know who you are. The ones that call people out without giving a name but more than willing to talk about the situation. Don't get me wrong...I am guilty of this...but I do wait until I see several people guilty of it so I can cover it in general...not calling out "family" or "dates" with rudeness to see if you can throw someone under the bus "anonymously". Just UGH! Keep the drama between you & the guilty party...don't drag the rest of everyone into the soap opera. Some might be entertained...but most aren't.


12. Why are you on here? There are many, MANY folks hanging out on Facebook to not do a whole lot...except to gather information about their "friends". To the point that most forget they are even there. If you are going to get some info...give some info. Share a little...even once a week...or comment on a thing or two. It's about connecting...that's stalking...from afar.


13. Messaging/Inbox - If you are really good friends...keep it up! If you have a question for someone, inbox/message them. Need to get to a small group of people? Inbox them! If you are only trying to connect to get to know what is going on...especially if you are married & so is the other person...and you are wanting to randomly check in...don't. That's weird & stalkery. Especially if it's seemingly weird for the one receiving the messages...it's awkward. Not good. So...just...don't. Just. Don't.


14. #Hashtag - People...this is for a focus that was used for Twitter. It has moved over to the Facebook-based & Apple-exclusive Instagram. It's like giving your picture or statement a category. It's like a quick file system. With Facebook actually being much more conversational...don't use the hashtag...you sound like jerk & it's really offputting. Now then...you only get a pass if your Twitter &/or Instagram accounts automatically feed into your Facebook. Just remember...we can see that it came from Twitter &/or Instagram. Otherwise...STOP!


15. Plz Stop using Bingo Lingo! If u c ne1 using this 2 communicate...take note this is NOT communicating! Even the teens & young adults quit using this even in text form a long time ago. It's painful to look at...and no one is looking at your updates when Bingo is being used.


16. Complaining & negativity - Oh my...for those of you who ONLY jump on once in a blue moon to ask to be prayed for or to complain about your day or situation...there's more to life. There is. If there's at least hope or a positive spin...that would be nice. We are all allowed to pout & rant from time-to-time. We all go thru hard times that we need encouragement thru...just not ALL.OF.THE.TIME.


17. Get a room - look...if you are in love...that's awesome. If you are trying to prove you have a good relationship...uh...
No matter how you look at it, big major PDA never sets well in real life...so don't do it on Facebook! If your significant other did something so awesome for you that you want to share...then great! Share it! We would love to hear the grand gesture. Seriously. However...if you feel the need to randomly say, "I love my hubby. The world should know." Or , "I have the best girlfriend ever." Or if you have to post on each other's walls for the world to see...STOP! Find your own corner of the world...like in each other's eyes. Or just call each other. Social media isn't the time or place. Share with other's your anniversary or a big deal day between the two of you...save the random togetherness moments for just the two of you.


18. Research - if you come across a post that you might want to share that holds "informative information", please do your research before you start posting away...If it's about food, or quotes, or history...you get the idea. Look into it & in more than one place. Do not take the word of a one-sided or biased source. You end up looking horribly uninformed when you pull this.


19. Like & Share - NO! NO-NO-NO-NO!! What is happening is you are spamming your friends & family. It's more clutter on newsfeeds. No...you won't save someone's life. People will use their kids to get a pet. I don't have to share a picture of Jesus to prove I love Him. These come from pages who are just trying to generate more traffic & get their own numbers up. And if you are helping to spread awareness for a cause...make sure the timing is right. It's been Cause X's day/week/month for the entire year.


20. Facebook is for connecting...and not many play the games anymore...or use a lot of the apps. If an app wants you to invite people...don't. If it won't let you go past that point...get away from that game or app. Most people don't even like getting the invites.


21. If someone puts up a post, and you've been meaning to talk to this person...the post (status, picture, link, shared link) is NOT the time for that conversation! If you see Posting Person puts up something like:
"I know you might be shocked, but I pulled out the vacuum. Didn't use it, but I'm looking at it."
...absolutely do NOT answer in the comments with: "Hey, are we still getting together on Tuesday?" or "I sent you an email, did you get it?" or "I'll be at church on Sunday to give you your stuff back."

Stay on topic, people! If you see their name pop up & you want to ask them something that has nothing to do with the post, see number 13.

Also...if you are late to the party, and the thread has taken a different turn just out of conversation...either know what's going on, or don't comment. You look like you're out of the loop.


23. Humor - First, find it. And note that everyone has different humor. Post humor that you find funny! If it fits you! If it's for someone else...either tag them in the posting or post it on their timeline. If you post humor that is not you...everyone knows...and it looks like you are trying too hard.

If you do not like the humor that someone posted...move along people. Unless it is absolutely offensive! Move along, you have nothing negative to say. You are leaning toward number 9.


24. Know who is on your friends list or who can see your posts! If you would not pull out some of these sayings & posts to your kids or grandkids (or their friends), and they are on your friends list...you probably shouldn't post what you wouldn't want them to see...especially from you! Remember that whole persona thing you're building? See number 9.


25. Blog Links - Bloggers work very hard on their blogs. They put their heart & souls into these posts...a lot of times to start conversation. To draw traffic to the conversation, the link will be shared on Facebook with a tease so you will want to see what it's all about. If you want to be part of the conversation, post the comment on the blog! If you give away what the blog post is about on the Facebook link, why would anyone else want to go read it if you laid it all out there? Like the link & give a vague comment on the Facebook link, like, "I so agree!", or "Thanks for your thoughts." or "Interesting perspective, but I feel differently." Help draw people to the actual conversation.


26. KIDS - ok...this is a hard one. Many times we put a lot of information out there, especially when it comes to our young...but we still want them protected. Many parents, like myself, use online nicknames for each of them. Two of my kids do have Facebook, but because of many of the fiasco stuff listed, they hardly get on anymore. If I want to call them out directly, I will tag them. If not, or if I talk about my youngest who does NOT have a Facebook account, the names are not used. So...have some respect in this manner. If you know the kids by name, but you see that the PARENT is not using the name in a post...you do not use the name in the comment or your own post. If it's said, "Can't believe Little Snot is turning 12! Where does the time go?"...do not...I repeat, DO NOT respond with, "Happy Birthday, Sammy!!"

First, that gave the kid's name. Second, you are not talking directly to them. STOP THAT! A correct response could be, "Aw! Getting so big! Tell them (or Little Snot) happy birthday for me!" Respect, people.

Grandparents...just don't go there. DON'T! I know you wanna be all braggy...but if mom &/or dad aren't using the name...you don't use the name.

Also...to the grandparents &/or other family & close friends...do not share the outcome of an event from a child that is NOT yours!!

A. If the parent did not post it (yet)...then you don't get to! YOU DON'T! Deal with it.

B. Not just grandkids...but your own kids, too...if they have Facebook. Do NOT share news or outcomes about another Facebook poster without their permission if they haven't said anything. DEAL WITH IT!


27. FAMILY - Facebook can kind of fill in some of the connectional things that you are not always around for. However, if you need to get a hold of immediate family memebers...use the phone! Also know who you are getting a hold of. Just because you figured out how to text doesn't mean you should always text.


28. Trips - if you are away from your home, especially on a trip...DO NOT ANNOUNCE IT! Guess what? You've flagged down the crazies to want to come to your home to "take care of it" when you didn't personally invite them. If you're on a trip, it's OK to be cryptic. Tell everyone about your trip when you get back! Also see number 10 - don't put your trip in someone else's comments. You don't know who is on their list & seeing it.

And don't make it obvious you're gone. People are perceptive & will figure it out. If you announce in a comment that you haven't been around & to ask, openly, for updates...your house may be visited by a crazy.

Also...if you know that someone is on a trip, or going on one, do NOT share it on their FB wall/timeline, or even on yours. You have now flagged down people they don't know to come clean out their house while they are gone. Don't be an unexpected accomplice.

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Here is a start, folks. I know there's more...but look it over & figure out if you're guilty of these things...and then think if you are still in contact with your kids or grandkids on Facebook.

I will tell you that my kids hardly get on anymore for many of the reasons given above. When someone has created drama or put an awful comment...or thought they were being witty...my kids will roll their eyes & proclaim that it's part of the reason they don't get on anymore.

We've lost what got a lot of us on in the first place because we have been abusing our connections.

Facebook has opened trap doors everywhere...and we are more than willing to fall in or see where it will go. In all honesty...it's probably best that we don't.

The 1st amendment is a beautiful thing, too...but it's another one of those things we abuse & decide to use it for disrespectful reasons. And we have, in this course, changed the face of Facebook.

Not everyone does everyone of these things...but I've seen every one of these things done. And I have been guilty of some of them...so I am holding myself accountable, too.

Plus...we are chasing off the younger crowd that many hoped to stay in contact with by doing these things. These etiquette guidelines will help you from being hidden in a newsfeed, unfriended, or blocked altogether.

Unless, of course, you are OK with being a Crazy-Stalker-Jerk on Facebook. But don't expect to keep people around.