AM~Erica Has Spoken

So anyway...

Today I am back home from a big weekend. BIG!

This past weekend, my hubby & I do what we do every year: Go to the annual conference of Missouri United Methodism. Clergy & laity gather to take care of conference-wide business, take in some worship opportunities, have the fixing of appointments (where each pastor will be thru the upcoming year), and to basically hob-nob & catch up with friends, colleagues, as well as meeting new people.

I do go each year, but certainly not-Not-NOT for the business!! I like the time away, but I also like to catch up with a lot of different folks, too...clergy I know, laity I know, vendors I know, and absolutely with the other clergy spouses! (read HERE about me being a pastor's wife)

If you read the above link, you will see that I truly have a passion for lifting up my fellow spouses. Why? It's because I've heard enough stories from them about how each of us are expected to be like the previous spouse before us. And...if you read the above link...you will note why this is quite difficult.

Um...you should read the above link.

Two years ago, I heard enough of these stories & became sad and baffled by the thought of it. And then I was SO bold as to actually imagine myself SPEAKING about this at conference!! WHAT??? Who do I think I am?? I don't even sit in on the business sessions because I would get bored & yell, "BINGO!!" just to throw things off a bit. It's just how my brain works. I was even working on soccer chants with my friend, Rob, to possibly yell/sing. But I would have to leave that to him since he is clergy.

See why I'm not in there??

But I digress...and back onto how bold I apparently am. Who do I think I am?? (OK...back on track now.)

Yes. I imagined myself standing in front of people letting them know how beautifully different each & every spouse of clergy is. At conference. Whatever...must be me with big thoughts. Right?

Well...this year I was asked to help out somehow with the annual clergy spouse luncheon. I had no idea what that meant, but went with it & figured someone would tell me what was happening.

Last week, I found out that I would be greeting the spouses coming to the room our luncheon was being held. OK...I can TOTALLY do that!! And as I was speaking with this other lovely spouse, she told me she probably wouldn't be there & wanted to hand off several things to me. She had an idea for a song to sing, but needed someone to lead it. There was going to be a speaker, but it fell thru. So things were up in the air...

...then it happened...
...my voice was coming out, but it wasn't me talking...

I found myself saying I could do table decorations, maybe lead the song &/or sing/lead another song...and...speak.

Wha-WHA??? WHO DO I THINK I AM??? Where was this coming from?? It certainly wasn't me, but it was coming out of me!

And there we had it. I began to weave together table decor that would also be fitting for a table with guys, I put both songs on front & back of of some paper that I decorated for each spouse attending, led the first song after a great lunch & awesome conversation...and then...it happened...

See, after God had me agreeing to speak to this awesome group of nearly 30, I didn't have time to work on what I would say. When I tried to start, something always came up. I then knew that God had me speak it, and I should trust Him to guide me thru this.

For all of those who were praying for me, I cannot express enough how much that meant! I could feel them & the Spirit flowing! And? It caused conversation afterward. I spoke to the spouses about being themselves. And I tried to keep in within the theme of the songs chosen.

God laid it on my heart to speak at conference one day about clergy spouse individuality...and I did it! Not for a large group by any means...but in front of a group from all over the state of Missouri, and a group that I hold close & dear to my heart. We share a bond of our very title & role...and it's comforting to know there is the blessing of this group to have my back. Cuz I've sure got theirs!

Two years ago, God laid it on my heart...and this was apparently the time I needed to speak.

This is a big deal for me, y'all! My heart is full & I am blessed by such a wonderful group of gals & guys. My cup overflows with love & support with this group!

Also...those big & bold thoughts & visions you have may very well be God setting you up for something. You may not know when it's coming...but it will. Be ready. God has you on this.

What a beautiful & blessed weekend overall...but this is what we were all praying for!

And thank you for your patience on this. I don't like to put out there when I am out of town...plus, with so much going on, it was hard to just sit down & let you all know what all was in my heart.

Stay tuned...

God Bless, AM~Erica

AM~Erica Has a Filter Malfunction

So anyway...

In case you are unaware, have forgotten, or need a reminder...I am, indeed, THE WIFE OF A PASTOR.

And most of you have an image in your head like I used to have about them. These days...those visions & thoughts are oh-so WRONG!!

There's something else you need to know or be reminded about: we are still human & are totally a regular folk.

There is a joke about me being called "first lady." Oh, it makes me cringe so much. Because I'm so not a Jackie O., Michelle Obama, Laura Bush, Nancy Reagan, etc. type person. *cringes* NO-NO-NO!! But I tend to get looked at in that manner.

I. Am. Me. I am a strong Christian woman. Don't forget it! But I'm also not going to run up to you & start spouting scripture & tell you what you're doing wrong & how you should be like me. That's not fair. If scripture needs quoted, trust me...it will be! But I want you to be you around me.

And because I'm such my own person, and will not squeeze myself into a mold I will not fit into, I have my human flaws. *GASP*

Much like the one that creeps out at strange & inopportune times...like church & church-like settings.

Like the time that my hubby was on a short list to be a guinea pig for a possible interview style test to see if a pastor might be ready for a new church startup. He & I were invited to go to Columbia, MO (where the Missouri United Methodist Conference is headquartered) for this interview. It would include the interviewer, hubby & I, plus the Bishop of the Missouri UM Conference & the cabinet. It was an odd set up of having the cabinet & a video camera set up BEHIND hubby & I during the interview. Only the interviewer was facing the camera.

At the end of the interview session, the interviewer asked my hubby if there was anything he felt might have been left out of the interview. My hubby said he was surprised that the question wasn't raised about what the pastor's weakness(es) might be...so...the interviewer turned to me & said, "So, Erica...what is Chris' weakness?" I was so put on the spot! I freaked a little, but answered, "Listening. It would be great if he listened more instead of trying so hard to jump on fixing things." (not verbatim, but you have the major gist) The interviewer turned to my hubby, then said that's basically what all guys do, called him "brother", then high-fived my hubby! As I was mortified by that awfulness, I heard laughing behind me...
...now, remember everyone else is behind me, so I forgot who was back there. I stood up, turned swiftly, circled my right hand in the air to finish in a closed-hand position...when I realized I had just shushed the Missouri United Methodist cabinet...on camera. *face palm*

So, in Ron White fashion...I told you that story to go into these...

Because my inner filter malfunctions, I tend to do &/or say things at these times that turn them into "D'oh" moments & deserve a giant face palm. Like...tonight. I have a two-fer that happened within mere minutes of each other...
You may need to brace yourselves...

Tonight was our church's annual chili supper. It's known all over our large community. Hey! For a bowl of chili, veggie soup or a chili dog, plus a drink & dessert...it's only $5! Can't beat that!! And it goes from 4-7 PM...and it is always busy! Well, hubby & I sat at a table by ourselves, smack-dab in the center of the crowded gym. But several people always walk by for some quick conversation.

However, as we finished eating at our table, we get up JUST as another couple were ready to set their food at our table. I made a sarcastic joke to them that we were getting up & leaving because of the sole purpose that they showed up. The lady laughed & said it happens often. However, I made the joke at least 2 more times...when...someone told me...that it's our city's mayor & his wife! D'oh! *face palm* Think I made an impression?

Yeah, if that wasn't bad enough...it didn't stop there...

Then, as we were leaving, I was playing with a baby of one of our member families. Hubby ended up talking to some other folks that had entered to eat at the chili supper & I heard him introducing himself. I, then, hear him try to introduce me. So, I turned around, shook hands...and never got their names. But they came with one of our more stately & established members. They asked if we were smelling like chili yet...then...my filter malfunctioned as I said, "Well, we'll probably be smelling like chili later." Hubby's eyes about popped out of his head.

Yep...I disgraced myself in front of our mayor, and then turned around to make a fart joke. At church. I have SHAMED MYSELF yet again.

Please, folks...don't ever judge the pastor by their spouse. The spouse is an individual of their own...even though we are fully connected to your clergy. Things slip. We are human.

I am human...with a weird & wicked sense of humor. It's how God made me. Fearfully & wonderfully I am made. Sometimes the fearful part is greater than the wonderful part...and there might be times when it's the other way around. Just watch out when they work together!

Oh...and on a side note with some of this...always assume I don't know. If I do, it's bonus. But I probably don't...so don't ask me.

Oh...and on another note...there could be a whole other kind of special music at church tomorrow. You wanna come & find out?

~~ 

Christ United Methodist Church has worship times as follows:

8:35 - traditional in the sanctuary

9:45 - is learning hour (aka Sunday School)

10:55 - contemporary in the sanctuary & traditional in the chapel

~~

Stay tuned...

God Bless, AM~Erica

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

P.S. ~ Yes...I totally used a fart joke to invite you to church.

AM~Erica is a Coffee Snob

So anyway...

This past weekend, my hubby had meetings with the Missouri United Methodist Conference taking place in Springfield, MO. That meant being out of town for a few days & mixing up our routine...
Not only did we have to set up a flowchart-needing schedule for our poor kiddos, but we were needing to change up when we got up, where to eat, and most of all...our coffee situation.

Now, most of you may have already figured out how important coffee is for my hubby & me. If you're not as familiar, then you need to know that it is VERY important. Otherwise it's ugly.

So, here we are in Springfield needing to get coffee. You could "brew" coffee in your room, there was complimentary coffee in the hotel lobby, you could spend a fortune for the mini buffet & get coffee in the hotel restaurant, you could pick some up at a fast food or other dining establishment...none of it was working. We heard that Mudhouse Coffee House is supposed to be really good, but by the time we found out about it & found the hours, we didn't have time to try it. Hopefully we will get to try it sometime now that we know about it.

We were missing our grinder & beans. Badly. We dealt with the gift of the coffee we were "given", but once you have freshly ground coffee in the mornings, nothing else is the same again. It's because of this realization we had already come to a few months ago, we also came to this realization:

We Are Coffee Snobs.

Once you've gotten to dabble in the good stuff, it's hard to back down from that. Except at Wendy's. They have a new Redhead premium blend that is actually quite fantastic. And those are big words from an admitted coffee snob. So imagine my level of sad when we discovered that Wendy's is doing their breakfast as a "test market only". So no morning Wendy's coffee to offset any other coffee we could get a hold of. So it seems to be going on about everywhere BUT Springfield. Go figure.

All I have to say is that we were so happy to get back to our grinder & beans! Yesterday morning was delightful making our own coffee, at home, with our own beans. That first appreciative cup was the best. But we didn't have enough for a full pot, so we were slightly short-changed on that first coffee back home. So I had to make a stop to get beans.

I headed over to Gloria Jean's, of course. Our usual baristas weren't going to be there. I knew that. Like they know us & which beans we get, we know their schedule. It's all part of the bonding process. However, we were off schedule. So I didn't know who we would get. It was a barista who has served us before, but it's been quite a while. I ordered only half a pound of beans in the interim to get us back on our coffee schedule. I let her know that I was in the coffee club, and she replied with, "It's 'Erica,' right?" wha-WHA?? Holy Cannoli! She even knew my name! Teen boy was with me & he just started shaking his head. I would like to point out that she knew my name before I handed her the card with my name on it.

That's right...I'm so known at the local Gloria Jean's coffee shop that even baristas we are not as familiar with know my name. *bows & curtsey*

So...what has 2 thumbs & is a total coffee snob? THIS GIRL!!!

Stay tuned...

God Bless, AM~Erica

AM~Erica is One of Those Pastor Wifey People

So anyway...

I have a confession to make. Some may be shocked, but I think most of you reading this already know that I'm...a...pastor's wife. That's right. You heard me!

My hubby is a pastor in the United Methodist Church of the Missouri Conference. His call-to-ministry story is part of my own faith story. You will have to ask me about it sometime. But this is not the time. I am not here right now to talk about that. I am here to talk about the bi-product of it: becoming & being the wife of a pastor.

The Missouri Conference has brought many of us together. I want you to know that I did not connect with many of them without some kicking and screaming. Because my vision of the typical pastor's wife was not favorable. I did not want to hang out with a bunch of old bitties in tailored Easter-like suits, bobbed silver hair & in their husband's shadow of showing to everything right on his heels. Being in a group with them was NOT for me. I do NOT fit that kind of mold. I think most of you know that.

I kept getting invited to all these spouse retreats & to spouse luncheons. Ick. Not for me. At all.

Then, a couple of years ago at the MoUMC Annual Conference, my pastor wife friend, Catherine (who is nothing like I described above) asked if I was going to the scheduled spouse luncheon. I "gracefully" declined. But I also gave my honest reason for the decline. (see the description paragraph, above) I think there was also a "no agenda" meeting for the spouses, hosted by our bishop's wife. I didn't do it either.

Last year, Catherine was on me again. I tried to decline, but she made sure I showed up to that "no agenda" meeting & made sure I was signed up for the luncheon. I learned that my other fellow spouses were older, younger, big, small, plain, fancy, ethnic, hairy...and we were all in the same boat. Even the guys. That's right...the "hairy" really had to do with the pastor husbands. And it was fantastic knowing that there was this diverse group who know what the other ones in the circle are going thru. Between the "no agenda" meeting & the luncheon, I'd made some wonderful connections! And I have to give credit to Catherine for twisting my arm.

This time around, I went to the "no agenda" meeting & the luncheon again. And since I've stayed in contact with several of these wonderful people, mostly via Facebook, the connections were even stronger this time! And being here to encourage new pastor spouses was & is wonderful! The connections were so great that only one of us would have to camp out just outside of the meetings our clergy connections were a part of, and more of us would gather. Many of us talked more. And I made even more connections. So much so that my hubby thought I seemed to have more events with the spouses than last year. But it was the same as before, just got to be even more social with several of the other pastor wives.

I have grown confident in my role. I am myself. My fellow pastor spouses will be themselves. And it's wonderful to have a group of people you can turn to who understand. Those times when you can't turn to your pastor...or because it's about your pastor. We understand each other. Even in our craziness. I'm not kidding. And I'm looking forward to more spouses joining us in the future.

So, those of you who have a pastor with a spouse, hug them & support them & know that we really are one of you all. No pedestal needed. Please! And we are individuals...we will never be the pastor spouse who was there before us. You can't force us! We might even let you know...

This group of people is a true blessing.

I am a pastor's wife...hear me ROAR!

Stay tuned...

God Bless, AM~Erica

A Year Later, AM~Erica Contemplates

So anyway...

I am taking a moment as I plan the upcoming weekend to reflect on a year ago. That's because a year ago yesterday, I lost my grandmother. Alzheimer's took a beautiful woman, a beautiful soul, a beautiful mind. And, with the circumstances surrounding her not knowing anyone by the time she left the earth, I am still saddened. I am really choked up thinking about it.

Last year, my hubby was at Missouri United Methodist Annual Conference, and I was with him. And it was Sunday morning when my mother called me with the news. Though I was sad, I was still at peace with her going. Her quality of life was not serving her well. However, I was sad for my mother & her siblings. They worked so hard to keep visiting her & try to keep my grandmother as sharp as possible as her mind continued to slip away. That's what broke my heart.

Today, I remember back to last year being in the presence of United Methodist clergy & laity. The annual memorial service for those who have gone on before us took place on Sunday morning. We had planned to go, but I was having difficulty focusing. But my hubby & I went anyway. It was hard at first, but it was such an odd service, it actually helped take my mind off of things at hand.

But I also remember my friend, who is a pastor, Jenn. She could tell from a mile away that something wasn't right with me. She could tell it at the memorial service. When we returned to the convention center, where the meetings are held, she tracked me down to find out what was up. I broke down, and she prayed for me & with me. I will be forever grateful for that.

Later, my pastor friend, Angela, ministered to me without even realizing it. She ministered to me through her butterfly necklace. I have had quite a draw to butterflies for years. I have my own Theology of the Butterfly. (feel free to ask me about it...I never mind sharing it) Angela shared a God-filled inspired message to me. Almost a mini-sermon & she had no idea. She didn't know what I was going through, but God knew I needed that message.

I found out at my grandmother's visitation that she had a draw to butterflies, too. And a butterfly had a long visit with one of my aunts on Sunday...the same day I got my word about her & the "butterfly visit".

I'm having a harder time today thinking about all of this than I thought I would. I'm really choked up as I am putting these thoughts out here.

The thought runs through my mind as to my "condition" I was experiencing the week leading up to it. I know I should've seen a doctor...but I hate going to the doctor. Ask my hubby, he gives me a hard time about it...as he should. But I had been waking up in the middle of the night, every night, and not sleeping well after that due to chest pains that would set in. It would last through some of the morning, but would dwindle away & I'd be fine the rest of the day. Weird, I know. Not good, I know. However, that Sunday morning, I dreaded waking up in the middle of the night expecting the pain. I woke up at 2-something, but no pain. I went back to sleep. When I got up, still no pain. Then I got word about my grandmother.

Though I didn't have much interaction with her through her last few years of life, I think she might have been going through something in those last few days beforehand. I can't explain it, but all I know is that she died in her sleep sometime between Saturday night & Sunday morning. I can't help but think that she may have left around 2-something on Sunday morning. The pain was gone. I felt it & didn't know what it was.

As weird as it all sounds, it so incredible, and still hard. But God has given strength through all of it.

I am so grateful for the memories of my grandmother. I learned even more about this remarkable woman after her passing & was even more amazed by what she'd done in life, and also more saddened by what this nasty disease did to her.

I am also so grateful for the gathering of such wonderful clergy & laity every year. God does great things. I pray for everyone durning Annual Conference that the Spirit moves in & through all of you. Each of you are a blessing.

Stay tuned...

God Bless, AM~Erica

*******************************************************

PS ~ I saw that Ray Bradbury died today at age 91. Lil guy heard me telling hubby about Ray's passing & lil guy asked how old Gigi is (my living grandmother). I paused & told him she is 91. He responded with, "I hope Gigi doesn't die." I'm in total tears. Just heartbreaking. Hard, hard, hard...and I'm with lil guy. Me, too, lil guy...me, too. *cries*