AM~Erica is So Honored

So anyway...

I have big news to share! And I can finally share it publicly!

If you have followed my DEPRESSION & SUICIDE JOURNEY, then you know how passionate I am about stigma, education & advocacy with this cause.

I made the decision to open up about my own struggles to keep the discussion open. Someone has to break the stigma. So I knew I was called to do it.

As I have upped my advocacy in the last few months, I figured I needed to do more....I just didn't know what.

When I did the Out of the Darkness memory walk (reminder HERE), I was asked to step up even then. After that is when I knew I should step up in my advocacy & became a field advocate for the AFSP as I began contacting law makers to support & vote for bills that helped in the awareness & prevention of mental health issues & stopping suicide. And though I've stepped up in that, as well as my own personal advocacy, I felt like there was more. But I still didn't know what...

While I've been running (OK, the few times...I've backed off, but need to step it back up) and praying lately, I just kept asking for something to show where I needed to be or needed to go. I actually was even unsure if I needed to stay with the AFSP or focus on a different organization. Because I knew I needed to do more!

I've tried to be there for several who needed to talk thru some of their own struggles. I do continue to struggle off & on, myself. And I keep passing information & perspective along to anyone who is willing to listen.

As I mentioned, I pray. I have prayed a lot. I knew God was calling me to more. I was trying to listen & be still, even.
Do I go?
Do I stay?
Do I step it up?
Do I back off?
Do I try something else?

As I prayed, this Chris Tomlin song would become a part of my prayer:

Where ever it is, or whatever it is, I knew I needed to do something. But what?

~~~~~~~~~~

Earlier this month, I went with my hubby to his annual conference of clergy & laity in Missouri United Methodism. So I go for my clergy spouse events as well as to see several friends I only get to see about once a year. So, my hubby goes for business & I go to make the friends.

As we prepared to leave on Thursday (to get there the night before things started), we were rushing around to get last minute stuff done, last minute things from the store, last minute packing...a lot of last minute stuff. As the boys were off getting a few things & I was trying to take care of some home stuff, we checked the mail. I realized I had gotten a piece of mail hand addressed to me.

I looked at the envelope completely lost & trying to think quickly who has the last name of "Nelson" that would send me something from Kansas. The rolodex in my brain was turning rapidly.
"Think, Erica! Think!"
Then it hit me! It's from Barb! I love Barb!
So I figured it was about the upcoming walk this year. You know they have my information now. So I opened the letter to read about the walk information....
....but....
...it was different than that.

I'm not gonna lie...I wasn't grasping the letter at all. Since I was set on reading about the memory walk, but wasn't seeing wording about the memory walk, none of it was making sense & the words jumbled in my brain.

I needed to take a moment to regroup.

Then I realized there was a second page. That should let me know what to focus on! So I look...and...I'm seeing something about "job description"....
...and I read the letter again.

I was so emotional!! I was so overwhelmed!
This was nothing I had ever thought would happen!!

So as my hubby & I were preparing for a weekend filled with worship & wonderful Christian people, I was getting the answer I needed for my what I had been praying for, have a passion for, and direction for my calling.

This is where I'm going to skip over my tears of disbelief, of overwhelment, of emotion, and knowing my answer had been laid in front of me...as well as what lead to today.

As of today, it is official:

Yes. It became apparent that I needed to not just stay with the AFSP, but to step up in a bigger way.

I've heard it put that you know God has called you to it if appears to be out of your comfort zone.

I feel very out of my comfort zone. I'm still in shock, but I'm so humbled & honored that I was even considered for a position like this.

Is this the real life? Or is this just fantasy? (you're ear worm for the time being)
Am I really worthy of such a spot?
But I prayed hard for something I knew had to be bigger. I just didn't realize how big.

I'm serious when I tell you that if you do turn to God asking what more you can do, and if you are truly open to what could be in store for what you are being called to do, brace yourself. It could be bigger than you know. And know you can trust God to lean upon as you go forth in your greater calling.

Because if you're the one called to do it, YOU need to step up, no matter how scary it seems. And this Josh Wilson song comes to mind:

Can I be honest with you? Good...I'm sure that's what you'd prefer from me anyway....
I'm terrified. Beautifully & wonderfully excited....and terrified.
But, I know this is what I'm supposed to be doing. And I am still having issues grasping that others have so much faith in me.

But with that said, I am looking forward to getting to work! So much to be done in the area of suicide awareness & prevention. And, as scared as I am, I'm stoked to be able to step up with whatever I have to offer to work toward the eventual prevention of suicide all together.

And thank you to every one of you who have shown & shared your support. You all have been amazing!!

So, with that said....this newly appointed Board Member is ready to go to work!

Let's do this!!

*goes back to being emotional*

Stay tuned...

God Bless, AM~Erica

AM~Erica Has Paths to Follow

So anyway...

I was shown a garden today. The garden had lush, green archways & a beautiful stone fountain in the middle of what appeared to be a courtyard. There were 5 archways, maybe 6...but definitely 5, in front of me that each led to a path...and all of the paths led to the courtyard with the fountain.

I see a light in each archway; none brighter than the other.

There is a chance some of these paths cross, but I cannot see down the paths due to the lushness of the archways. But I wonder which one I should take to get to the courtyard fountain. Because each path leads to the stone fountain.

~~~~~

As I have done well the rest of this week, which didn't start out so well (reminder HERE), I also felt I was wandering...wandering to something. I felt lost, yet led.

I haven't lost the feeling of being led somewhere.

Church was awesome this morning. The message had to do with questioning why we are Christians. Between the message & the music...and some other things that have, literally, come up thru the week...there are things working within me. I can feel it.

Several doors (actually about 5) seem to have revealed themselves to me. Now I need to pray on some kind of direction.

However, during the part of the message where Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was brought up...and his iconic words of, "I have a dream..." I had a near-vision come to me. Seriously.

As I was worshipping & praying for direction...there was a garden revealed to me. The garden had lush, green archways & a beautiful stone fountain in the middle of what appeared to be a courtyard. There were 5 archways, maybe 6...but definitely 5, in front of me that each led to a path...yet all of the paths led to the courtyard with the fountain.

"Under a Blue Sky, In a Green Courtyard, Arch and Fountain Compose the Day" painting by Marcio Melo
(just found this painting after the vision when I was hoping to find a visual as best that I could...crazy...appears to be the vision from the courtyard fountain waiting for me)

I see a light in each archway; none brighter than the other.

There is a chance some of these paths cross, but I cannot see down the paths due to the lushness of the archways. But they all definitely lead to the stone fountain.

Not sure what this means. I'm guessing that all the things that have been laid in front of me will lead me to the sacred courtyard to the flowing fountain?

It was an incredibly holy moment. I cannot explain it any other way.

Now time to figure out these paths...gotta get to that courtyard. It might be the promised land.

Stay tuned...

God Bless, AM~Erica

AM~Erica Believes in the Power of Prayer

So anyway...

Got a call this morning that my 92yo grandmother had a stroke. Left side completely paralyzed & couldn't form words. After being given some declotting meds, an angiogram, and lots of prayer...my grandmother is doing amazingly well compared to what they thought she would be when she first arrived.

She has movement on her left side, can lift her left arm & leg...and she can form words! She knows where she's at, what's going on...and even has a bit of humor in her. She told the lab technician taking blood to not take all of it.

Imagine my surprise when she even asked if my kiddos were ready for school, especially Lil Guy, and wanted to see if we enjoyed our vacation. Just...wow!

She still must go thru quite a bit of therapy for movement & speech...but she moved her check-in nurse to tears when she saw the progress within hours. And that moved me to tears.

Now...I don't know if she'll remember that I was even there, but I am stoked to know that she is doing so well that she may be moved into a regular room tomorrow!

I honestly cannot thank those of you who prayed & sent positive energy today. Even if you didn't know why. We were lifting up a very special woman...and she is so much stronger than she believes she is. Because of how bleak things sounded & the little I had to go on earlier, I could not give details. But I am moved by the faith you all have that joined in prayer during an uncertain time. My family cannot thank you enough!!!

I waited a long time with my dad today. As he said, "This waiting sucks!" And it did...but it brought great news!

She is not out of the woods yet. Please keep up the prayers & positive thoughts. They work miracles!

Stay tuned...

*******************************

UPDATE 8/6:

Got word she was feeding herself a sandwich & using BOTH hands!!! Moved to a regular room & her face is even less droopy. She will begin physical & speech therapy right away. Continued prayers and positive thoughts & energy is working beautifully! Keep it up as she continues to recover. Thank you all! You all are a blessing!

God Bless, AM~Erica

AM~Erica Will Be Your Coffee Surrogate

So anyway...

Today is Ash Wednesday. We begin our journey to the Easter season.

I hope everyone has recovered from Mardi Gras & has prepared to begin their resolve for Lent. (I heard it put that way & love it!)

Let us not forget what Lent is about & some things we can do to help us thru the season for the right reason.

With that being said, I will be happy to give some ideas of things I have done in the past.

* I have given up chocolate before. That was torture & back in a time when I didn't fully understand giving something up for Lent.

* I gave up ALL caffeine one year. That was an ugly, Ugly, UGLY year! I don't think God really wanted that for me. Again, it was before I fully understood the full meaning of Lent.

* There was the year I gave up caring. I wish I was kidding about that. I'm not. I guess you can tell that this was also before I really understood the whole Lent thing.

* Oh! I gave up meat one year. Not so bad, but there was a misunderstanding with my hubby where he thought I said he should give it up to. But it wasn't clear why he was mad, so I would save up my dinner meat, hide it in the fridge & eat it on Sunday. Not the best approach either. Still...not the understanding of Lent then, either.

During those times, I was like many, many others announcing what I'd given up for Lent like I was a saint, martyr, or victim. All the wrong, Wrong, WRONG approach to take!

So, I do plan to offer some help. For anyone who is giving up their coffee (hopefully for the reason that you felt it draws you away from your Christ-focus & it is truly a spiritual decision), then I have been known to step in a few times for those, for various reasons, who need a jolt of coffee/caffeine & cannot consume it right then. I, essentially, become a Coffee Surrogate. If you are in need of my services, please Facebook message me, direct message me on Twitter, or email me (erica.williams74@gmail.com). Do NOT comment on your needs here or on my Facebook wall. I will keep your needs secret & am always happy to step in with some coffee for you.

If it is not coffee you are resolving to give up, then I hope you prayerfully enter your resolve to bring you closer to God. In secret...as possible.

Have a blessed Lenten season, all. Enter in for the right reason.

Stay tuned...

God Bless, AM~Erica

AM~Erica Gives a Lenten Reminder

So anyway...

As you know, Mardi Gras celebrations are going on right now. And...Mardi Gras is actually Fat Tuesday, which is...THIS TUESDAY!

So let's do some planning ahead & thinking as we prepare for Ash Wednesday & the Lenten season.

Last year, I put out there what Lent really is & why we give things up. You can read it as a reminder.

But, I want to add something to that: it's sometimes more that just giving something up. There are times when part of what you do thru the season is adding something to do that brings you closer to Jesus thru the Lenten journey. Sure, it can totally be prayer, but I challenge you to do this anyway.

So, if you add daily prayer on top of whatever it is you are going to sacrifice or add to your daily life through Lent that brings you closer to Christ, then you are truly participating & in the understanding of what Lent is truly about. You can even change it up week-to-week. Just do it for the right reason.

It is a holy season. It is NOT a mainstream, society-based thing you do. There is a purpose. If you want to take part in it, then GREAT! But do it with understanding of why you are doing what you are doing.

Have a fun & safe Mardi Gras. And refer to my other post as to what Lent is truly about.

Stay tuned...

God Bless, AM~Erica

AM~Erica at a Crossroads

So anyway...


Well, the time has come for a change in my life. And it is a decision that will effect my family, not just me...as most crossroad-decisions do.

I have been out of work for almost 2 years now. We have had a some big life changes in 2010 on top of that. Between my husband becoming ordained as an elder in the Untied Methodist Church, a graduation, having a kid entering kindergarten which gave us a kid in EVERY level of education, my husband getting appointed to his own church, a move involving a different city AND a new school district for the kids, plus a milestone birthday for my hubby...I'd say it was pretty eventful.

In this meantime, I have been a stay-at-home mom...able to get some stuff done that I would not be able to if my husband AND I worked. However, we have a lot of kids...4: 1 in kindergarten, one in middle school, one in high school & one in college. There is a lot of expenses with these kids. We are so grateful for my husband's position, our home, our vehicles (even my hubby's truck he got). But with prices rising EVERYWHERE with gas, food, health insurance & cotton...and possibly *gulp* chocolate soon, there may be a very strong need for me to go back to work, someway, somehow. We are fine on my hubby's salary, do NOT get me wrong...but if we choose for me to stay home with no income, we will have to simplify a LOT (absolutely not a bad thing, we are pushing for more simplicity), but it would lead to my hubby getting rid of his baby...the truck.

This could be something part-time, or something from home, but it may need to happen. Many of you know I love coupons, but I may have to become an Extreme Couponer!

First, I would love positive thoughts & prayers as this discernment process begins. out It's nerve wracking! I would also love to explore options...so my moms that have their own home businesses...just a small one where it really is just you, please give me your insights on where you came up with your business idea, your inspiration & how you went about going through with it. I want to include it in my discernment process & would love your feedback.

Thank you all! I pray God leads me to what needs to be done to put myself in a place that still glorifies Him as well as bring a peace to my family & me as times change.

Stay tuned...

God Bless, AM~Erica

AM~Erica Hears a Child's Prayer

So anyway...

When my older son, Ethan, was about 3 or 4(he is almost 10 now), he was learning how to begin praying on his own - like a big boy. I would still offer up help if he wanted it, but I would let him decide if he wanted me to help, or if he wanted to do it all by himself.

This night, he offered to do it on his own, so I stood close by to listen to him, and this is what I heard"

" Dear God,

Thank you for everything I have... (awww...melts a mommy's heart)

...but I still need more stuff!"

WHAT?!?

I love my son, and I want to teach him that he can pray however he needs to, but how do you hear that last line & not laugh? I think I snickered, but controlled it.

Ah...out of the mouths of babes...

Stay tuned for more good ones!

God Bless, AM~Erica