AM~Erica Can't Believe It

So anyway...

A major rush of emotions have been rushing over me lately. I'm a mess!

Today, I'm wearing butterflies. I'm wearing butterflies for several reasons. But hang on a moment while I grab a tissue or two so I can pull myself together to tell you why...


**********

OK. *breathe in, breathe out*

Today, my daughter actually graduated high school. Seriously.

I know, right? How is that even possible! I'm not old enough to have any kiddo that age. That's exactly my thought!

Any-hoo...

So, yeah. That happened today. And it has been quite the journey to get here!

See, she hasn't exactly been the most "studious" kiddo since she hit the 3rd grade. We have had issues with teachers that were nightmares & sweet blessings of teachers who were saints the rest of the way thru. We pulled, we prodded, we left it alone, we nagged, we encouraged, we punished, we stayed in contact with the teachers...it was quite the struggle to get her thru. I'm sure there were teachers who cringed hearing from us...or even cringed having to contact us.

*sigh*

The amount of work WE did to get her to scrape by was exhausting. It caused us a lot of anxiety. Because she is SO smart!!! That's why so many of us attached to the journey had been very frustrated with her! But you know what? She did it...just enough to get by. Every. Single. Time.

She also had problems getting participation points in classes. The girl who can sing & perform like no one else's business could not, and would not, do presentations in classes & would hardly speak up in class...because she didn't want to draw attention to herself, especially if she was wrong. But I got thinking about it, and it actually saddens me...

When we lived in StL, she was in middle school. We were there for her whole middle school life. Moving can be difficult on kids. Especially on someone who was such a leader & felt they could rule the world! To get in a situation where you need to make new friends can be very difficult. And the forming of trust issues can arise.

Teen Girl was in a situation in middle school with "friends" that was so traumatic, hurtful, heartbreaking & devastating...whew...it breaks my heart every time I think about it. A verbally abusive bullying situation was so intense, my daughter never wanted to go back to school. A girl so dominating that other "friends" wouldn't speak up against her. A ring leader that others would just do what she said without question...even if they knew it was wrong. Until the new kid, my daughter, stood up to her over a stupid Halloween costume. And things escalated quickly. Horribly.

In that time, the bully ring leader had a birthday party where she, along with her over-bearing mother, had a bracelet making party. My daughter chose to make her bracelet for me (probably because she knew she was in serious trouble with me before we left). It had my favorite colors & a butterfly charm. She made it about 6-years-ago, and I still wear it.

When she made that bracelet, it was a dark time for her. Both with school & with friends. She just wanted to go back "home"...not wanting to accept the fact that StL had to be our home at that time. Middle school is hard enough on an individual...but no one should EVER have to endure what she did!

So she has had trust issues with friends, classes & people in general. She no longer steps up & makes herself known & has been a great part of her own self doubt. This is all on top of her not wanting to do all the work anyway...
Imagine our struggle...

We were shocked when we went to parent/teacher conferences. We would hear, "She is very quiet in class." We would find ourselves retorting with, "No, no, no. Our daughter is [Teen Girl]." And then we'd get the weird looks.

In her struggles to even wanting to do the work, as well as finding & hanging on to decent friends, the journey to today has really been a struggle. She's been fighting this cocoon for a very long time.

So, today, I felt it was appropriate to wear butterflies. Not only was my deceased grandmother into butterflies as much as I am (reminder HERE), but it was a beautiful significance to graduation.

Today, I wore butterflies...including that bracelet. Such a symbolic accessory to show that she has fought hard & risen above a lot.

The bracelet she made for me several years ago

She began to get noticed for her amazing talents. She had people fighting for her & with her to get her to walk that stage.

Today, I wear butterflies. To make sure my grandmother was ever-present, as well as to remind my daughter how far she has actually come!

Today, she became a butterfly...we watched her wings spread as she focuses, now, to fly off to her next adventure. She is still looking at a couple of colleges (Remember that whole being afraid of being turned down & trust issue stuff?). But getting accepted, having amazing friends, getting to go on big adventures, and she has turned the heads of talented peers that she really had no idea she could hold her own with...ones she really looks up to!

Her very last day of free public education...ever!

We are so proud that we, as a village, have gotten this girl to the end of this stretch of the journey. It's time to turn the corner to a whole new path.

And I have handled this whole "I have an adult graduate as a kid" thing SO well...*ahem*

Stay tuned...

God Bless, AM~Erica

AM~Erica Ran for Pi

So anyway...

Things have been supercrazybusyhectic lately. In the midst of so much this spring, as well as wrapping things up for the school year AND planning out the summer. I can hardly keep anything straight.

In the midst of all of this, I've picked up this running thing. And I'm actually keeping up with it so far! (read my journey HERE)

As I continue this adventure, I have tried to push myself a bit, keep eating the right way (as best as I can), and witnessing the changing of my body...especially my legs!

*Stupid Side Story*

Several days ago, I was sitting on the couch & had an itch on the back of my leg. I reached under my leg so I could scratch the back of my thigh for relief...then I felt something weird...
I felt a swelling on the back of my leg. It was like a large growth had appeared! I was a bit nervous about it. Before I freaked out, I thought I'd check the back of my other leg to get a good comparison...but I felt the same thing on the back of my OTHER leg!
Uh...I figured out I was getting muscles. My hamstrings were growing in the process!
(giggles & a face palm were in order)

...back to our regularly scheduled programing...

As I am on this journey, I am figuring out a few things.

Like:

~ I definitely run better in the morning
~ I am pretty happy with my playlist
~ The first mile stinks!
~ So does the second.
~ I keep telling myself that tutus & medals will make this worth it!
~ Fellow runner & fitness folks are an incredibly encouraging bunch!
~ I may, apparently, be considered a runner.

A couple of my encouraging friends made sure to share this with me.
Yep...just imagine this while you're out.

What I have accomplished in the last nearly four weeks has amazed me. And I'm gearing up to do a test run (yes...slight pun intended) in just over a week! Why this one? Why now? Because I can get in the 5k distance & it's free. If I screw this one up, I won't feel as bad.

I have been close to hitting the 3.1 miles while training. There are days when I just don't have it in me. But my recent "bad days" are far greater than a good day 4 weeks ago from right now. It's perspective, I guess...

However, when I finally went the 5k distance, I cried about it. A lot. It was very emotional for me! Even though I walked part of it...I still did it! My next goal was to RUN the whole time. I wanted to know that I could run the whole distance...

Well...that day came. That day was today. I ran the whole 5k distance...and a little extra...

If you want to be all nerd-technical about it, and even though I'm not a math kind of gal...I ran for pi.

I. Ran. For. Pi.

That's right...no 'e'. I went the mathematical number of ∏! A whole 3.14 miles...and I ran it. I RAN IT!

(check out & keep up with progress HERE)

But let me tell you...it sure wasn't easy as piE! Today was a hard run. HARD! I pushed myself...HARD! I was hurting...and I got mad at myself for having a body that hurt...and I began to angry run. And after I shook that off & knew how close I was...I began talking to body...out lout...to keep it moving. And you know what. I did it. I DID IT! Did I mention that I hurt?

Today was definitely a long-hot-shower, gee-I-am-going-to-need-Advil day.

But you know what else? Thru the pushing, the pain, the talking it thru (oh my goodness...it sounds like being in labor), I can say I did it.

I ran a whole 5k.

I ran for pi.

image via Alpha Lambda Delta of University of Minnesota 2nd Annual Pi Run 2012 (link HERE)

Mmmmmm....pie....

And it's not even Pi Day! (read my Pi Day celebrations HERE)

Stay tuned...

God Bless, AM~Erica

AM~Erica Has Come to an End of a Bittersweet Journey...Emphasis on "Sweet"

So anyway...

After about a 5 & half year path taken...the journey came to an end today.

Many of you know Lil Guy...just at different parts of his life. And if you don't really know...YOU CAN FIND OUT SOME BACKGROUND HERE. (be entertained & see how my blogging has evolved)

After watching "The Avengers", Lil Guy asked which Avenger he would be. Hands down...Captain America (aka - Steve Rogers). I'll explain why later...

However, there is something we fought for a very long time with him. His speech. This has been quite a battle we have been trying to get thru as he has fought so hard...

For a long time, we figured he wouldn't try to talk because he had older siblings who would totally talk for him. Makes sense, amm-i-rite? We would try to get him to speak...but when he was about a year & a half to about 2, he was only saying 3 things:

1. "No"
2. "Yah" (his version of "yes")
3. "Hah" (his way of saying "hot")

He loved rice at the time...so we'd try to convince him to say "rice"...he would respond back with word #1, above.

Lil Guy is so young here. During a time he would refuse to talk much if at all.
So cute...and so frustrating, too.

As he did eventually try to start talking...it wasn't all coming out quite right. We got in a very frustrating situation. Either we couldn't understand him...or he just wouldn't say anything at all.

Remember when I brought up in MY POST ABOUT GIVING ADVICE about Lil Guy being a leash kid? Some of you remember him as "The Leash Kid" with his little monkey backpack on. He got his brother's sense of exploration & his sister's sense of wandering...and all of this without talking to us about it. It was frightening during many, MANY occasions! My heart is racing right now thinking about those days...

He was frustrated because we couldn't communicate with him. We got him into preschools (well, where I worked), and the teachers had the same frustrations...and he would sneak out of their classrooms. We are blessed that I worked in those places...that was the only saving grace from him not being expelled...I'm sure of it!

Finally, we got him looked at...and after several ear infections, we thought there might be an issue. There was...
Poor Lil Guy had steady fluid in his ears. It just wouldn't move & was muffling anything he was hearing...which meant that was the reason we had such an issue understanding him trying to speak. He wasn't hearing anything right! So, we got him into an ENT & it was determined he needed tubes in his ears after a series of testing. We agreed! He was going to need speech therapy, too.

Well, right before time came for his tube insertion surgery...the doctor's office called & canceled. Not "postponed"...actually CANCELLED! We were shocked & demanded to know why. We were told there was a clause in our insurance that they weren't comfortable with...so the aborted the operation. Basically...they were more concerned about getting their money. Oh man...now I'm getting angry about it all over again...

*breathe in...breathe out*

Well...we never got to see another doctor & didn't get it rescheduled. This is while we were still in St. Louis.

However...thru a complicated turn of events...there was a speech pathologist who could work with him at his preschool. It took a lot of cutting thru red tape, a lot of signing our lives & souls away, meetings, talking to different teams from different districts...it was just short of getting NASA involved...but we were going to do what we could. He was 2 & a half...and the journey began...

It was going pretty well...and loved his pathologist! But we ran into a new situation...I got a new job...and that took me away from the preschool...and, sadly, this awesome pathologist. *sigh*

This led us to finding a new daycare & a new preschool. The new preschool was amazing! It was thru the public schools, so it was free...and he would get the focused & extra help he desperately needed! My only concern was whether or not this place was for real...
Once we figured out this was for real...we jumped on board!

Lil Guy made amazing strides! Here was this 3yo who we were finally beginning to really understand! Imagine my shock when I picked him up one day, and his little class had been discussing emotions. He sat in his car seat behind me & proclaimed as plain as the sun in the sky, "Mama, I am very frustrated with this!" I think I stomped on my brakes out of disbelief and nearly repeated him..."Did you just say that you are 'very frustrated with this'?" He responded with, "Ye-sssssss." (he was working VERY hard on finishing his words)

Eventually...after much hard work, one-on-one classroom time & more work with another pathologist (that we really did like), we got some news that I was torn about: they were going to have to give him up since he exceeded their levels in that class. It was so bittersweet since we really loved his teaching team & pathologist. After shedding a few tears...he moved onto another class. It was a bigger class & would ready him better for kindergarten since he had just turned 5 at that point.

He was still far from where he needed to be...but communication was at amazing levels! His ears cleared up on their own & he was working VERY hard on forming his words. When we would correct him, he wouldn't hesitate to try again until he got it right a couple of times. It's warming my heart thinking about it again...

Then...another change was happening...we moved again. We came back to the KC area & had to set up a new IEP (Individual Education Plan). This was not new to us any longer. We had to meet with teachers & teams a few times to set goals, see where he was at & see what goals have been met...that kind of thing. And not only was a new goal setting in order...he was also beginning kindergarten. Whew! That's my baby...my LAST one starting a whole new chapter in his little life...

I remember one of the meetings we were supposed to have to update the IEP if needed. His super sweet Kindergarten teacher was so angry in this meeting. Why? It's because we had to put down that he had a disability in order to keep receiving services. After seeing how far he'd worked & had come...and knew he had a slowed development in his speech because of his ears early on...this was not an issue for hubby & I. It was infuriating to his teacher...
She was upset because he was so smart & so social...she just didn't understand...
We informed her it was fine. And he continued to work so hard...

Lil Guy at his Kindergarten graduation: Teacher at the podium & shaking hands with the principal

Keep in mind...even while he wasn't talking right at age 2...he was still very social & a total ladies man! He could make a friend in the blink of an eye! It was wild to watch. He was even in a preschool classroom of 20: 5 of them were boys...and of the 15 girls, 14 of them were blondes. And most of them were in love with my son. HE COULDN'T EVEN TALK TO THEM RIGHT!!!

Last year, he was the most popular kid in his class...all the kids wanted to be in his group &/or try to sit by him. Going to speech didn't bother the other kids at all! It's a beautiful thing...

When this year rolled around, not only was he only having a couple of speech & language issues, he remains to be very popular (it's always been that way), he does super well in school...excelling at everything he does: reading, math, spelling...he just hates writing. But he keeps pushing himself, too.

He's one of the top readers in his class, he's on the student council, and he excels at sports...and is quite the leader. See? Very Captain America! And he is always willing to help out!

Tall for his age, good looking, leader, athletic, big heart...yep...totally Captain America!

His teachers always brag on him...so does the principal. He is very helpful to others, too. Lil Guy does have a big heart. And I truly believe it's because he can hang with the most popular of kids as well as the outcast ones...like many who go to speech.

I do believe this journey has molded more in him than just his speech & language.

He got to be a voice of a puppet for the children's Christmas play at church and have a line to say during VBS (Vacation Bible School) Sunday. These moments choke me up...this is something that I didn't know if he'd ever be able to do...

We've already had some of the IEP meetings this year. He's always done well & the speech pathologist loves him! So does his teacher. And still the principal.

Today...
*ahem*
Today...was a strange & bittersweet meeting...
After discussing that he's met his goals...and after some thorough testing, we were told his journey is complete. He is officially released from speech therapy services. Done. Over.

A long fought battle...and an hard journey has reached its destination.

I'm so proud of Lil Guy! What is has done is beyond amazing! But it's so weird to know we won't have anymore IEP meetings. Done. Over.

What a journey! What a wonderful young man & leader is will become. They've already figured he'll do great things. And that's not the parents talkin'...

And he is the coolest, funniest, goofiest, smartest, most athletic kids I've ever known. *Proud Mama*

Plus...I want to thank all of you who have been behind us thru this whole thing. It's had mostly ups & he's worked so hard! If only many of you could hear him now...I might have to work on that so you can listen to how far he's come & what he's worked so hard toward...

I'm a bit choked up thinking about it.

Stay tuned...

God Bless, AM~Erica