Sunday, June 10, 2012

AM~Erica is One of Those Pastor Wifey People

So anyway...

I have a confession to make. Some may be shocked, but I think most of you reading this already know that I'm...a...pastor's wife. That's right. You heard me!

My hubby is a pastor in the United Methodist Church of the Missouri Conference. His call-to-ministry story is part of my own faith story. You will have to ask me about it sometime. But this is not the time. I am not here right now to talk about that. I am here to talk about the bi-product of it: becoming & being the wife of a pastor.

The Missouri Conference has brought many of us together. I want you to know that I did not connect with many of them without some kicking and screaming. Because my vision of the typical pastor's wife was not favorable. I did not want to hang out with a bunch of old bitties in tailored Easter-like suits, bobbed silver hair & in their husband's shadow of showing to everything right on his heels. Being in a group with them was NOT for me. I do NOT fit that kind of mold. I think most of you know that.

I kept getting invited to all these spouse retreats & to spouse luncheons. Ick. Not for me. At all.

Then, a couple of years ago at the MoUMC Annual Conference, my pastor wife friend, Catherine (who is nothing like I described above) asked if I was going to the scheduled spouse luncheon. I "gracefully" declined. But I also gave my honest reason for the decline. (see the description paragraph, above) I think there was also a "no agenda" meeting for the spouses, hosted by our bishop's wife. I didn't do it either.

Last year, Catherine was on me again. I tried to decline, but she made sure I showed up to that "no agenda" meeting & made sure I was signed up for the luncheon. I learned that my other fellow spouses were older, younger, big, small, plain, fancy, ethnic, hairy...and we were all in the same boat. Even the guys. That's right...the "hairy" really had to do with the pastor husbands. And it was fantastic knowing that there was this diverse group who know what the other ones in the circle are going thru. Between the "no agenda" meeting & the luncheon, I'd made some wonderful connections! And I have to give credit to Catherine for twisting my arm.

This time around, I went to the "no agenda" meeting & the luncheon again. And since I've stayed in contact with several of these wonderful people, mostly via Facebook, the connections were even stronger this time! And being here to encourage new pastor spouses was & is wonderful! The connections were so great that only one of us would have to camp out just outside of the meetings our clergy connections were a part of, and more of us would gather. Many of us talked more. And I made even more connections. So much so that my hubby thought I seemed to have more events with the spouses than last year. But it was the same as before, just got to be even more social with several of the other pastor wives.

I have grown confident in my role. I am myself. My fellow pastor spouses will be themselves. And it's wonderful to have a group of people you can turn to who understand. Those times when you can't turn to your pastor...or because it's about your pastor. We understand each other. Even in our craziness. I'm not kidding. And I'm looking forward to more spouses joining us in the future.

So, those of you who have a pastor with a spouse, hug them & support them & know that we really are one of you all. No pedestal needed. Please! And we are individuals...we will never be the pastor spouse who was there before us. You can't force us! We might even let you know...

This group of people is a true blessing.

I am a pastor's wife...hear me ROAR!

Stay tuned...

God Bless, AM~Erica


  1. I made it to your blog!!! :) I'm so glad that I dragged your rear-end to those events! It's fun being part of the cool kids club. :)