AM~Erica Sees Signs of Lent

So anyway...

Mardi Gras is over, and Lent is in full swing.
(some of my reflective Lenten thoughts, HERE)

In this past year, and the year going forward, I made a decision to keep my heart, mind & soul open to what God needs from me.
No, this is not a Lent-specific thing...but certainly a challenging one!

Many times, Christians will "preach" about being open to God's will...and blah-blah-blah! I find the non-Christians rolling their eyes & giving retort, usually; or just ignoring Christians completely.

But hear me out, OK?

I'm a visual-learner, mostly. But I try to keep my senses open to what may be asked of me.
Lately, when I feel my heart being opened to something else, I try to keep my whole being open to the Spirit, and in full-on prayer, to see where I am being guided.

If you have read some of my blog posts opening up about my struggles with depression & my failed suicide (reminder HERE, or you can click on that tab ^^^ up there about "My Struggles (Depression & Suicide), you will see that I try to stay open in a very scary subject, but try to remain open in what I should do next.
Actually...I have something coming very soon. I'm not ready to share yet. I'm freaking out, but so super stoked to be a part of it! But that will be another time...

Right now, I want to point out that I don't really ask God for signs. OK...sometimes I do, but I mostly ask for guidance & then stay as open as possible to possible signs of where I should take on next.

And it scares me! But that's how I know God is leading me. God wouldn't lead me to it if the task were to be easy. So I have to cling onto strength in Jesus & keep God in sight.

With that said, Lent is usually a time of reflection. I have tried taking on devotionals, reflecting, and then trying to put what I've learned relevantly into my life. And sometimes signs show up!

Several years ago, I remember getting ready for church on the first Sunday of Lent. As I got around, I walked into the living room, and nearly fell over when I saw what the sun was projecting onto the wall of the parsonage (aka - pastor's house; aka - clergy living quarters) when we were living in St. Louis:

YES! That's right. It was the sun shining thru the blinds on from the other side of the room!
I obviously had to get picture proof. I don't know if people would have really believed me if I just tried to tell them. I mean, c'mon! We are in the Show Me state. And I had to take my camera (it was just before the times of camera phones, kids) with me to church so I could bring some proof of what I'd found to any doubting Thomases I may have encountered!

And it really happened on the first Sunday of Lent that year. I'm still blown away by that moment on that morning.

Now, as I remain steadfast in the sense of being open to what God needs from me (again...not always so easy), I try to stay vigilant of any signs letting me know I'm heading the right direction, or that I need to change direction. Believe me when I say that I have certainly received signs! Even if I didn't ask for them.

Through the years, I have seen many inspirational photos going around. Some of the more intriguing ones seem to be what is seen in the sky, usually in the clouds. Usually it's forms of angels & things.

Today, the 2nd Friday of Lent, my hubby & I were on our way home from our weekly trip to the store. We were just talking about different things...and then I saw an amazing cloud right in front of me!

Pretty amazing! Right? A truly Divine sign in this moment.
And then my hubby commented that it looked like Ash Wednesday clouds...even if it was over a week later than Ash Wednesday. We discussed if it was a sign of Jesus coming back soon. But that is ALWAYS on the table, people! Don't ignore that fact! "Soon" to us is a much different timeframe than "soon" to God!

We were just shocked over the cloud formation. So much so, I decided to bring up the photo again...but then I noticed something above the clouds in cross formation, and was stunned!
(sorry for sounding like ridiculous click bait)

Do you see that? Do you see the winged clouds in the sky above it? It's like an angel or a dove, but definitely a Divine vision!

People, just know that God leaves us signs EVERYWHERE! And it's not always in visual form. Be aware. Just as God can take any form necessary to get a message across, God can also leave any God-sized sign for us. We just have to be open enough to figure out if it is as obvious as these clouds, or as small as a song lyric in a much-needed time.

We are in a time of wilderness, on a journey to seek out Easter. Though it is a solemn & spiritual time, we should enjoy the view along the way.

Stay tuned...

God Bless, AM~Erica

AM~Erica Has Spoken

So anyway...

Today I am back home from a big weekend. BIG!

This past weekend, my hubby & I do what we do every year: Go to the annual conference of Missouri United Methodism. Clergy & laity gather to take care of conference-wide business, take in some worship opportunities, have the fixing of appointments (where each pastor will be thru the upcoming year), and to basically hob-nob & catch up with friends, colleagues, as well as meeting new people.

I do go each year, but certainly not-Not-NOT for the business!! I like the time away, but I also like to catch up with a lot of different folks, too...clergy I know, laity I know, vendors I know, and absolutely with the other clergy spouses! (read HERE about me being a pastor's wife)

If you read the above link, you will see that I truly have a passion for lifting up my fellow spouses. Why? It's because I've heard enough stories from them about how each of us are expected to be like the previous spouse before us. And...if you read the above link...you will note why this is quite difficult.

Um...you should read the above link.

Two years ago, I heard enough of these stories & became sad and baffled by the thought of it. And then I was SO bold as to actually imagine myself SPEAKING about this at conference!! WHAT??? Who do I think I am?? I don't even sit in on the business sessions because I would get bored & yell, "BINGO!!" just to throw things off a bit. It's just how my brain works. I was even working on soccer chants with my friend, Rob, to possibly yell/sing. But I would have to leave that to him since he is clergy.

See why I'm not in there??

But I digress...and back onto how bold I apparently am. Who do I think I am?? (OK...back on track now.)

Yes. I imagined myself standing in front of people letting them know how beautifully different each & every spouse of clergy is. At conference. Whatever...must be me with big thoughts. Right?

Well...this year I was asked to help out somehow with the annual clergy spouse luncheon. I had no idea what that meant, but went with it & figured someone would tell me what was happening.

Last week, I found out that I would be greeting the spouses coming to the room our luncheon was being held. OK...I can TOTALLY do that!! And as I was speaking with this other lovely spouse, she told me she probably wouldn't be there & wanted to hand off several things to me. She had an idea for a song to sing, but needed someone to lead it. There was going to be a speaker, but it fell thru. So things were up in the air...

...then it happened...
...my voice was coming out, but it wasn't me talking...

I found myself saying I could do table decorations, maybe lead the song &/or sing/lead another song...and...speak.

Wha-WHA??? WHO DO I THINK I AM??? Where was this coming from?? It certainly wasn't me, but it was coming out of me!

And there we had it. I began to weave together table decor that would also be fitting for a table with guys, I put both songs on front & back of of some paper that I decorated for each spouse attending, led the first song after a great lunch & awesome conversation...and then...it happened...

See, after God had me agreeing to speak to this awesome group of nearly 30, I didn't have time to work on what I would say. When I tried to start, something always came up. I then knew that God had me speak it, and I should trust Him to guide me thru this.

For all of those who were praying for me, I cannot express enough how much that meant! I could feel them & the Spirit flowing! And? It caused conversation afterward. I spoke to the spouses about being themselves. And I tried to keep in within the theme of the songs chosen.

God laid it on my heart to speak at conference one day about clergy spouse individuality...and I did it! Not for a large group by any means...but in front of a group from all over the state of Missouri, and a group that I hold close & dear to my heart. We share a bond of our very title & role...and it's comforting to know there is the blessing of this group to have my back. Cuz I've sure got theirs!

Two years ago, God laid it on my heart...and this was apparently the time I needed to speak.

This is a big deal for me, y'all! My heart is full & I am blessed by such a wonderful group of gals & guys. My cup overflows with love & support with this group!

Also...those big & bold thoughts & visions you have may very well be God setting you up for something. You may not know when it's coming...but it will. Be ready. God has you on this.

What a beautiful & blessed weekend overall...but this is what we were all praying for!

And thank you for your patience on this. I don't like to put out there when I am out of town...plus, with so much going on, it was hard to just sit down & let you all know what all was in my heart.

Stay tuned...

God Bless, AM~Erica

AM~Erica Gets Out and Away from Darkness

This is not a typical post. I will not be openly sharing this. But, if you do come across this post, then I hope someone learns from it.

It began with my opening blog post of the year (HERE), and it has led to this. Please pray for this situation.

~~~~~~~~~~

I am thankful that God blessed me & led me out of the darkness I was living in. I have seen the light and recognize where the shadows lie. Now that I have seen & been in the light, and though those living in the darkness attempt to beckon me back into the ways of the shadows, I must resist that kind of black hole. If I drift back into that dark shadow, I will trip & fall from the blindness.

I continue to pray that I am continually led down the glistening and well-lit path God has shown me rather than falling back into what I clawed & crawled out of. That would be committing the most vile hypocrisy. Tricking me with a false warmth of a mere blanket or rug is no match for basking in the truest form of the sun. And I will take it in its fullest form, and not shading it with a dimmed lens.

Thanks be to God I have found firm ground to stand on and open eyes! I will not be tricked into taking that sight for granted by looking off a rocky cliff just to fall back into the barren well.

To think that wearing rose colored glasses might help you see in the darkness you live in is just a lie you are telling yourself. And the lie is evident to those around you as it is quickly obvious that you cannot truly see where you stand.

I once stepped back to the darkness thinking I was building a bridge to forgiveness while having the cold shadow fingers around my neck. After being there for a long time, I also realize the shadow moves with an ebb & flow that it is hard to realize where it will end up. I will not keep up with the darkness. I now step away from the shadows, shake the dirt from my sandals, and will run toward the light. I will no longer be held hostage by the shadow darkness. And I pray the darkness leaves my children as well. There is no need for them to get caught in the inconsistency of the shadow's hypocrisy. And it is wrong of the darkness & the shadow makers to beckon for them while they enable the shadows to block the light of the sun.

They strength I have prayed for was given to me to deal with the darkness trying to beckon me back. And I am thankful I now have the divine-given strength to know that I can face the darkness without being tricked to head back into the sadness. I will not accept the dimmed lens or the broom to sweep the darkness away for a short moment. The faith I have built to this moment has granted me the vision I needed to deal with it. Though I am shunned, the darkness is disappointed that I am not going back there to that place. I am strong enough to leave the darkness confused & bewildered as to why I refuse to drift back in that coldness in its hardworking deviousness to draw me back.

I still sin, because I am a sinner. But I also know that covering a sin to pretend I am faithful is a hypocritical sin that I cannot muster. I think for myself & am guided by God. I am covered in the blood of Christ Jesus. I have used His word. I am no prophet, but I do believe we all have prophetic moments when God needs us to lead some of his people out of the dark. The prophetic words are not always used, and when they are, it doesn't mean those the words will be accepted by those it the words were meant for. But the Word must still be delivered. And I had to deliver harsh-yet-loving words to get the darkness to disappear. And it's a message that could only have been delivered through intervention of only the Divine. Yet I am still shunned. Yet it still beckons my children.

I pray the Word of God sets into those who are still truly lost. I pray the dimmed lens will be removed, blankets & rugs will disappear, and truth is dealt with. It isn't easy to let go, but I am not going back. And maybe one day the darkness will disappear in its ever-so-volatile ebb & flow.

I'm in the light...and I am not going back!

Amen.

AM~Erica is Prepared

So anyway...

I've been keeping up (or trying to) on the horrifying images, stories & updates coming out of Japan. They are certainly getting it from all ways!

With "Snowpocalypse" that happened not long ago & with the Japanese scenes being called "Apocalyptic", everyone is scrambling to Revelation for guidance...again.

I will NOT downplay what is happening...this is tragic & of course there are "signs of the end" attached to it. All of this going on does not help but feed the crowd concerned about 2012 being the end.

However, there are people putting out there that "this is the end" & "here are the signs". The bible passages are being taken out of context as the following passages remind us that only God knows the end. We must be prepared for whenever that time comes. Signs like this have happened several times through the ages & the end has been prophesied each and every time.

Folks, we don't know. We just need to know that we must be prepared at any time.

Awful things are happening around us that are definite signs of "THE END", but that time is NOT specifically put out there. Sure, it could be tomorrow...and it could be another thousand years from now.

Anyone who has put an absolute time on the end of all is wrong. The Rapture was supposed to happen back in spring of 1989, and now it is supposed to happen on May 21st of this year (sorry to my daughter, that's her birthday). But the fact is...WE DO NOT KNOW!

We must always keep watch. Live like everyday is your last, but live it fully in the name of Jesus Christ. But do not live it out in vain.

If you take out your bible, or find one, you need to read Matthew 24:36-44.

With Japan being hit by the earthquakes, tsunami & nuclear meltdown scares, of course it looks bleak. This is not a time to point fingers but to band together. I am a large believer in taking care of our own, don't get me wrong, but it's major tragedies like this that the world must come together. What Japan has & is going through is catastrophic. They do not have the resources & manpower/peoplepower to deal what they are going through. This is where we must step up. This is also part of our preparation for the end times...whenever that may be. We are to take care of those less fortunate & help them get back on their feet so they can once again continue on their own.

The Red Cross does do a lot & so does UMCOR (United Methodist Committee on Relief). I highly suggest one of these to help give to so they, who are trained to deal with these crises, can help out over there. Pray for them & support them with gifts & donations that they are looking for to help in the efforts.

In the meantime, prepare yourselves. Everyday is the beginning of the end. I do not mean that negatively. I look forward to the day when I have eternal life in heaven through the saving grace of Jesus Christ. Am I terrified of what is going on? Yes. I am terrified for the people having to go through this. Am I afraid? Well, not really. I continue to prepare my heart for whenever that day comes. Because at anytime it could be THE end or our own end.

So when you start quoting the bible about the signs, please complete the thought & text by reminding everyone that we do not know when the end is, not even the Son. Only our Father in Heaven knows when that will be.

Stay tuned...

God Bless, AM~Erica