AM~Erica is Still Against Forced Commercialized Sentiment Holidays

So anyway....

I've said several times before, and I'll say it again:
I am NOT fond of Mother's Day!

(reminder HERE)

I've not been overly eager for it for quite some time, but I think I gave up on it just a few years ago. One of the worst Mother's Days I'd ever experienced did me in & I gave up. Completely.

Now, if you read the above link, you will know there's several layers to this animosity I have toward this "holiday" & others like it.

And, in my previous post (HERE), I pointed out that this is my first grandparentless Mother's Day.

When helping the kids look for cards, I realized I wasn't looking for "Grandmother" cards to give. So I stood there crying in the card aisle at the store. Wow, I guess I was having a really difficult time. And then when we got home from the store, a cardinal was sitting by our garage that was startled when the garage door began to raise. When I realized what bird had flown off....*sigh* yep, queue more tears. (see why HERE if you didn't get to it from the previous link)

On top of that, I hadn't been feeling the greatest. I was tired from an overnight trip to the lake, and just in general after trying to get over a migraine.
Today probably might have been a good day to skip church. But I didn't. And I apologize to anyone who I didn't encounter so well today.

Look....on this day, I do a disappearing act at church. I didn't do as well this morning. Some know how I feel about the day. There's others who either forget, or just want to tell any female, "HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!!!" So, I try to disappear and then come back in time to take in worship. I generally know that I can get into my flow of worship & not worry about the confrontation. I know that sounds so bad, but I do the same thing when I'm having a down day on Sunday anyway.

But this morning, a few folks found me anyway...and at a lot of different points during the morning. *sigh* And not feeling the best....and how I feel about the day....not sure I was at my best toward others today.

Regardless of what congress put into place...I don't want to feel forced to appreciate someone for a day. It's not a law!! But we still fall into the practice anyway....

My hubby & kiddos know how I feel about it, as you can probably guess. But they "show appreciation" in the trap of the holiday anyway. On the positive, I did get some awesome things...and I'm going to get one of my fave dinners fixed for me. So there's that.

I want to be clear about something: I do appreciate the sentiments. I really do. I just don't want them because the calendar says you have to. I'm all about celebrations! Right? I celebrate a whole lot of things...but when it comes to moms, dads & true loves....you should do that a whole lot more often than the once a year the calendar says to.

So, as I stated on my Facebook account status this morning:

"Per the usual, I am not fond of Mother's Day for a myriad of reasons, as several of you may know/remember. 

But with that said... 

To all the moms, grandmoms, great-grandmoms, great-great-grandmoms, rookie moms, veteran moms, mom-in-laws, stepmoms, single moms, single dads also trying to be mom, moms-to-be, adoptive moms, foster moms, surrogate moms, those trying to become moms, those who want to be moms, moms who lost any of their own, those struggling as moms, fur baby moms, and pseudo moms: may you be loved and appreciated for all you do, try to do, and failures in your trials every single day. May today be as beautiful as it should be every other day with your family, as the sentiments should go beyond just one day out of the year. You are loved, you are appreciated, and we are grateful for you & each other."

And I stand by that.

Also, if someone says they don't like something, generally you should stop doing the thing they don't like. Right? So, when I make it clear I'm not fond of the day, but thank you anyway....don't keep coming at me & telling me why I'm wrong in my feeling of this. 

Now, not that I'm not proud to be a mom...that is far-Far-FAR from any truth! I just know I would rather be appreciated at random times rather than feeling forced to because cards, commercials, and a calendar notification tells you otherwise. Because if that's the case...do you mean it today more than any other day? Something to think on.

I'm not the only one with yucky feelings about it, either. Check out this post (that I just discovered after writing this post...I had to come back & include it with mine):

click the pic to go to the blog link

If you are smothering someone with sentiments because the calendar says so, but you don't show it any other time...it's an ugly thing. Fake sentiments don't set well.

Plus...I'm not feeling the greatest (in case you missed me saying it earlier). So I'll try to get over that part pretty quickly. I can't say so much over fake holidays with forced commercialized sentiments attached.

That was a lot to unload. If you're still with me...thanks. Just another facet of the realist side of my heart. 

Now I guess I'm going to go enjoy a favorite meal. Hopefully because my hubby wants to fix it for me...not just because the calendar said so....

(and be sure to check out the links....they are important to the message of this post)

Stay tuned...

God Bless, AM~Erica

Somehow AM~Erica Survived This

So anyway...

You remember when I told you from the last super crazy weekend that there would be more coming? Well, that was this weekend. If you want to know the bizarreness & craziness that ensued this time...keep on reading...or you can run now. You're choice.

If you are still with me for this ride, then hi! Stay buckled in and keep your hands & feet inside until the blog post comes to an end. Sound good. Well then...let's do this. Enjoy the ride!

The past several months, my MIL started a new chapter in her life. My FIL passed away almost 10 years ago. She had been grieving over him ever since. After a lot of struggle in her life & a lot of health problems, she got back on track. She got healthier & was working out & losing weight. She was feeling pretty good, but still lonely & grieving. Sad since she is a beautiful woman, but living vicariously through her children, grandchildren & all of their friends. Seriously. And then...it happened. "It" was something no one ever really saw coming or that she would ever do or that she would ever get a hold of or...well...she was introduced to Plenty of Fish. Yes, the online dating service. This was weird for all of us. Glad she was starting to get out there & that she grasped that there was no chance that my FIL would ever be walking thru her door, but still weird.

Well, come July 4th of 2011, she was meeting with yet another gentleman. She was just, once again, being nice. She was feeling really weird about this whole dating thing...having a great time, but just weird for her. Well, she was going to meet up with this guy for lunch. That's all. But when they showed up...they looked like Twinkie Twins: you know, dressed alike. Royal blue shirts & white shorts. They seemed taken with each other & what should've been only lunch became a day-long date with fireworks in the air that night...in the sky & between them. After that...they were nearly unseparable. And a new love was born.

It didn't take too long before they were talking life together. And then, without a lot of thought process (that's whole different set of posts, people), they jumped into blindly planning a wedding on their own. Head-scratching planning, through & through. Including the date. She decided (without checking a calendar) to have her wedding on May 12th. Even though, once realized it was on Mother's Day weekend, she refused to move the date. She's stubborn like that. Even though it clashed with a lot of school functions, family issues, and the given weekend...she was bound & determined to do it right then...even with her (at that point) future hubby's birthday being that Monday (so today).

Hubby was to preside over the ceremony, which was weird for him, and I was to be the coordinator. I was also supposed to be the planner, but it's hard to live in damage control mode when they were knee-deep in situations they got themselves into before talking to anyone.

We then got to meet her man's side of the family finally, too. They hail from New York...accents and all. And the whole wedding party was mostly family-based. Only 4 "friends of the family" if you count one of the soloists & guestbook attendant. Heck, my kids were a bridesmaid, usher/scripture reader, and ring bearer. My stepdaughter was the maid of honor. It was weird designing the programs (yep, I did that, too) & noticing how many times I was having to put that a part of the wedding party was a grandkid of the bride.

Between meeting new parts of the extended family family & dealing with the weirdness, it went well. Even though the wedding was at 4:00 PM & the girls got there at 10:30 AM, I decorated the sanctuary, I made sure the bride & bridesmaids had what they needed, between wrong hairdo's (don't get me started), pictures taking 3 hours, trying to get the boys all together, thinking the wedding party would starve (due to more lack of good planning), a lot of talking to, running around, getting people where they need to be, the rehearsal & rehearsal dinner, hubby trying get out of town peeps to the church from the airport, tux screw-ups, over abundance of flowers (don't get me started), dealing with directing family to where then need to go during the wedding & pictures (since family doesn't necessarily like to listen to family)...it was something else.

Then clean up the church in record time to get to the reception (again, not well thought through), for food & music & stuff. We got word that one of the attendees of the wedding (a good friend of my BIL - one we all actually like) was in a horrendous accident on the way to the reception. I refuse to go into gruesome details here (and they are gruesome), but he will be OK...just very scary. But part of the band went to the hospital to be with their friend & put the reception even more behind.

But it was good to see some people that I hadn't seen or talked to in a long time. I even got to meet even more family that I only heard stories about.

All in all, the wedding went very well & I am very happy for my MIL & her new hubby. They are good for each other, even though they need live-in chaperones.

MIL bride & me as coordinator

Then...after the tiresome wedding stuff & a late night with the reception, we had to get up for church & Mother's Day. I have my own feelings on Mother's Day, and it was so obvious that this one would not go very well. But we did get to spend time (eventually) with my mom & grandmother, then back over with his mom & visiting family.

So...we got home late last night, too. We were exhausted. Still are. Hoping we find some recovery time soon. Not sure when...but holding out hope...

Still with me? Did you make it to the end? Do you have whiplash? Well, I feel like I do after this weekend...and so does the rest of the family. I need a rest...

Oh...and just a note that if you're planning a wedding, do everything the opposite of how the in-laws did it.

Stay tuned...

God Bless, AM~Erica

How AM~Erica Really Feels About Mom's Day

So anyway...

Today is the second Sunday in May, also known as Mother's Day.

Isn't that sweet & special? That mom's only get one day of appreciation every year? Hallmark has yet another day to profit from with all the cards, and all the flower shops profit from all the floral arrangements for everyone to feel pressured to show gratitude toward the woman that raised them. Am I right?

If you have figured out...this isn't going to be a pretty post. I really don't like holidays like this one. Seriously.

I know there are women out there who really want this day to be showered with gifts & attention. Forced appreciation is good enough for them. But not for this mama. At all. Actually, the day makes me grumpy. Believe it or not, I feel bad getting gifts & things on a designated day. But let me state my case. You don't have to agree, but it's a different perspective.

I'm going to open up with some stuff about me that I have only let out very slowly to people. It's nothing I go shouting from a mountaintop, but I feel it needs to be spilled out to help show where some of my feelings are guided from.

*deep breath in, deep breath out* Here we go...

Contrary to popular belief, I suffer from depression. It might be a good thing to point out since May is mental illness/invisible illness awareness month. My friend, Nikki (Hi, Nikki!), did some reiki on me a few years ago & asked me if I had depression. She asked me almost facetiously, but then I told her I did have it. She looked at me funny & said, "Well, you're the happiest depressed person I know!"

With that said, it does effect how I react to things sometimes. Especially Sunday mornings that involve holidays & special happenings at church. Every year, I get the kids up on Mom's Day for church, it doesn't go so well. And I am the one who gets the kiddos to church since hubby has to be there much earlier than we do. Just like this year being no exception. I will just say that I need to get one kid to church at a decent time & had difficulty getting others around. I didn't react well. I had one kid give me a mother's day gift that was super sweet, but forced to make at school. However, lil guy was super sweet about that. The rest of the morning didn't go so well either. Scheduling was all screwed up & everything. We feel forced to see family. We shouldn't feel forced...it should be a want-to. Plus we had a very crazy-busy weekend that I will try to cover tomorrow that didn't help the attitudes of family waking up this morning.

Even though all turned out OK, it was a hard day, too. Not how society expects Mother's Day to be spent.

A few years ago, I wrote a poem. It's powerful & so not pretty. It's harsh. I wrote it a few weeks before Mother's Day in 2008 after certain ways of being treated in the house. I always feel more drawn to this poem every year. I wish I didn't. But I will share the harshness with you:

* No Mother's Day *

Don't celebrate Mother's Day
I can't stand to see it come:
Don't want it,
Don't deserve it;
Thoughts of the pedestal makes me numb.

The higher you (p)Raise your mother,
The more you inflate her head,
up & up
with flowers & cards -
That sweet tear you watch her shed...

But the tears become more painful,
for as the pedestal you tip...
She falls...
She plunges further...
Can't you hear her heartstrings rip?

Don't celebrate Mother's Day
with sentiments, gifts & such.
Don't want it,
Don't deserve it;
It hurts way too much.


Hard reading, isn't it? It's OK. I know. But these words ring so true. The kids are still going to argue. They are still going to be themselves while trying to force sweetness & appreciative gratitude toward their mothers when they spend the other 364 days shrugging at what their mom's do.

Today, I saw male family members watching what they wanted to watch while mothers were still organizing, cooking, cleaning, checking on everyone else...gee..."Happy Mother's Day" indeed. See? It doesn't really change. We, as moms, get a pat on the back for doing a good job doing what we still do. Now, the case I brought up doesn't happen in EVERY situation...but I did witness it happening. There were still ball tournaments going on today, too. Really? And, if they are still around to celebrate, the attention is turned to either the more matriarch generations of the family &/or the very newest. If we've been there a while, well...you're still on everyone else's time.

Don't get me wrong. I am very grateful for all the mom's & their doings in all capacities...just don't like the fact we only point it out on one day out of the year. I feel the same way about Father's Day & Valentine's Day, too.

The superficiality really upsets me. And, I will admit that I hid in corners at church this morning based on the morning I'd already had & trying to dodge the Mother's Day greetings.

I do hope all the moms, grandmoms, great-grandmoms, adoptive moms, single moms, step moms, mister moms, pet moms, expecting moms, trying to be expecting moms, awaiting moms, surrogate moms & pseudo moms all had at least a moment of pause for people to say thanks...but at the same time, be sure to do it all year long: every day, once a week, once a month...whatever. Just be thankful for the moms & their guidance & help. One day out of the year is not enough practice for true gratitude. Building up the apprceiativeness for a whole year doesn't really help either. Let this be the same for your true loves & for the fathers of any capacity. Forget the once-a-year thing. Seriously.

That's my opinion. That is all.

Stay tuned...

God Bless, AM~Erica