Sunday, May 13, 2012

How AM~Erica Really Feels About Mom's Day

So anyway...

Today is the second Sunday in May, also known as Mother's Day.

Isn't that sweet & special? That mom's only get one day of appreciation every year? Hallmark has yet another day to profit from with all the cards, and all the flower shops profit from all the floral arrangements for everyone to feel pressured to show gratitude toward the woman that raised them. Am I right?

If you have figured out...this isn't going to be a pretty post. I really don't like holidays like this one. Seriously.

I know there are women out there who really want this day to be showered with gifts & attention. Forced appreciation is good enough for them. But not for this mama. At all. Actually, the day makes me grumpy. Believe it or not, I feel bad getting gifts & things on a designated day. But let me state my case. You don't have to agree, but it's a different perspective.

I'm going to open up with some stuff about me that I have only let out very slowly to people. It's nothing I go shouting from a mountaintop, but I feel it needs to be spilled out to help show where some of my feelings are guided from.

*deep breath in, deep breath out* Here we go...

Contrary to popular belief, I suffer from depression. It might be a good thing to point out since May is mental illness/invisible illness awareness month. My friend, Nikki (Hi, Nikki!), did some reiki on me a few years ago & asked me if I had depression. She asked me almost facetiously, but then I told her I did have it. She looked at me funny & said, "Well, you're the happiest depressed person I know!"

With that said, it does effect how I react to things sometimes. Especially Sunday mornings that involve holidays & special happenings at church. Every year, I get the kids up on Mom's Day for church, it doesn't go so well. And I am the one who gets the kiddos to church since hubby has to be there much earlier than we do. Just like this year being no exception. I will just say that I need to get one kid to church at a decent time & had difficulty getting others around. I didn't react well. I had one kid give me a mother's day gift that was super sweet, but forced to make at school. However, lil guy was super sweet about that. The rest of the morning didn't go so well either. Scheduling was all screwed up & everything. We feel forced to see family. We shouldn't feel should be a want-to. Plus we had a very crazy-busy weekend that I will try to cover tomorrow that didn't help the attitudes of family waking up this morning.

Even though all turned out OK, it was a hard day, too. Not how society expects Mother's Day to be spent.

A few years ago, I wrote a poem. It's powerful & so not pretty. It's harsh. I wrote it a few weeks before Mother's Day in 2008 after certain ways of being treated in the house. I always feel more drawn to this poem every year. I wish I didn't. But I will share the harshness with you:

* No Mother's Day *

Don't celebrate Mother's Day
I can't stand to see it come:
Don't want it,
Don't deserve it;
Thoughts of the pedestal makes me numb.

The higher you (p)Raise your mother,
The more you inflate her head,
up & up
with flowers & cards -
That sweet tear you watch her shed...

But the tears become more painful,
for as the pedestal you tip...
She falls...
She plunges further...
Can't you hear her heartstrings rip?

Don't celebrate Mother's Day
with sentiments, gifts & such.
Don't want it,
Don't deserve it;
It hurts way too much.

Hard reading, isn't it? It's OK. I know. But these words ring so true. The kids are still going to argue. They are still going to be themselves while trying to force sweetness & appreciative gratitude toward their mothers when they spend the other 364 days shrugging at what their mom's do.

Today, I saw male family members watching what they wanted to watch while mothers were still organizing, cooking, cleaning, checking on everyone else...gee..."Happy Mother's Day" indeed. See? It doesn't really change. We, as moms, get a pat on the back for doing a good job doing what we still do. Now, the case I brought up doesn't happen in EVERY situation...but I did witness it happening. There were still ball tournaments going on today, too. Really? And, if they are still around to celebrate, the attention is turned to either the more matriarch generations of the family &/or the very newest. If we've been there a while,'re still on everyone else's time.

Don't get me wrong. I am very grateful for all the mom's & their doings in all capacities...just don't like the fact we only point it out on one day out of the year. I feel the same way about Father's Day & Valentine's Day, too.

The superficiality really upsets me. And, I will admit that I hid in corners at church this morning based on the morning I'd already had & trying to dodge the Mother's Day greetings.

I do hope all the moms, grandmoms, great-grandmoms, adoptive moms, single moms, step moms, mister moms, pet moms, expecting moms, trying to be expecting moms, awaiting moms, surrogate moms & pseudo moms all had at least a moment of pause for people to say thanks...but at the same time, be sure to do it all year long: every day, once a week, once a month...whatever. Just be thankful for the moms & their guidance & help. One day out of the year is not enough practice for true gratitude. Building up the apprceiativeness for a whole year doesn't really help either. Let this be the same for your true loves & for the fathers of any capacity. Forget the once-a-year thing. Seriously.

That's my opinion. That is all.

Stay tuned...

God Bless, AM~Erica


  1. Boy do I relate to "you're the happiest depressed person I know". girl. thank you for writing about this.

  2. This is honest and true. Now that my kids are older, Mother's day has gotten better and easier. More 'mother's day-ee'. But earlier it was hard, it never lived up to my expectations and was always such a downer, so I figured, why bother?
    It also doesn't help when your Mother in Law expresses her disappointment with her son's lack of attention. There's no winning.
    Keep being brave my dear.