AM~Erica Sees Signs of Lent

So anyway...

Mardi Gras is over, and Lent is in full swing.
(some of my reflective Lenten thoughts, HERE)

In this past year, and the year going forward, I made a decision to keep my heart, mind & soul open to what God needs from me.
No, this is not a Lent-specific thing...but certainly a challenging one!

Many times, Christians will "preach" about being open to God's will...and blah-blah-blah! I find the non-Christians rolling their eyes & giving retort, usually; or just ignoring Christians completely.

But hear me out, OK?

I'm a visual-learner, mostly. But I try to keep my senses open to what may be asked of me.
Lately, when I feel my heart being opened to something else, I try to keep my whole being open to the Spirit, and in full-on prayer, to see where I am being guided.

If you have read some of my blog posts opening up about my struggles with depression & my failed suicide (reminder HERE, or you can click on that tab ^^^ up there about "My Struggles (Depression & Suicide), you will see that I try to stay open in a very scary subject, but try to remain open in what I should do next.
Actually...I have something coming very soon. I'm not ready to share yet. I'm freaking out, but so super stoked to be a part of it! But that will be another time...

Right now, I want to point out that I don't really ask God for signs. OK...sometimes I do, but I mostly ask for guidance & then stay as open as possible to possible signs of where I should take on next.

And it scares me! But that's how I know God is leading me. God wouldn't lead me to it if the task were to be easy. So I have to cling onto strength in Jesus & keep God in sight.

With that said, Lent is usually a time of reflection. I have tried taking on devotionals, reflecting, and then trying to put what I've learned relevantly into my life. And sometimes signs show up!

Several years ago, I remember getting ready for church on the first Sunday of Lent. As I got around, I walked into the living room, and nearly fell over when I saw what the sun was projecting onto the wall of the parsonage (aka - pastor's house; aka - clergy living quarters) when we were living in St. Louis:

YES! That's right. It was the sun shining thru the blinds on from the other side of the room!
I obviously had to get picture proof. I don't know if people would have really believed me if I just tried to tell them. I mean, c'mon! We are in the Show Me state. And I had to take my camera (it was just before the times of camera phones, kids) with me to church so I could bring some proof of what I'd found to any doubting Thomases I may have encountered!

And it really happened on the first Sunday of Lent that year. I'm still blown away by that moment on that morning.

Now, as I remain steadfast in the sense of being open to what God needs from me (again...not always so easy), I try to stay vigilant of any signs letting me know I'm heading the right direction, or that I need to change direction. Believe me when I say that I have certainly received signs! Even if I didn't ask for them.

Through the years, I have seen many inspirational photos going around. Some of the more intriguing ones seem to be what is seen in the sky, usually in the clouds. Usually it's forms of angels & things.

Today, the 2nd Friday of Lent, my hubby & I were on our way home from our weekly trip to the store. We were just talking about different things...and then I saw an amazing cloud right in front of me!

Pretty amazing! Right? A truly Divine sign in this moment.
And then my hubby commented that it looked like Ash Wednesday clouds...even if it was over a week later than Ash Wednesday. We discussed if it was a sign of Jesus coming back soon. But that is ALWAYS on the table, people! Don't ignore that fact! "Soon" to us is a much different timeframe than "soon" to God!

We were just shocked over the cloud formation. So much so, I decided to bring up the photo again...but then I noticed something above the clouds in cross formation, and was stunned!
(sorry for sounding like ridiculous click bait)

Do you see that? Do you see the winged clouds in the sky above it? It's like an angel or a dove, but definitely a Divine vision!

People, just know that God leaves us signs EVERYWHERE! And it's not always in visual form. Be aware. Just as God can take any form necessary to get a message across, God can also leave any God-sized sign for us. We just have to be open enough to figure out if it is as obvious as these clouds, or as small as a song lyric in a much-needed time.

We are in a time of wilderness, on a journey to seek out Easter. Though it is a solemn & spiritual time, we should enjoy the view along the way.

Stay tuned...

God Bless, AM~Erica

AM~Erica is Talking Suicide

So anyway...

If you've been around for a bit, you know I've stepped up in my advocacy & education for mental health & suicide awareness. I've blogged on it quite a bit (reminder HERE), but I just want to come out and talk about a few things. Just outright.

It's what we should be doing. Amm-i-rite? Having the open conversation to keep it real & honest? It's supposed help break the stigma surrounding it. Right...RIGHT?

Well, this is what we need to be doing.

Found this perfect gem on Grammerly.com's FACEBOOK PAGE.

I've said that I need to talk out my struggles so I don't act on them. It's what's worked for me lately. I'm not on medication now, and haven't been for a long time. That wasn't always the case. Trust me, when I was on my meds...I needed them!

Some people need to be on them all the time. Some don't. All of our journeys are different. We cannot forget that. What is working for one person doesn't mean it works for the next person. Just as we were all made differently, different treatments will affect us differently. I can tell you what worked for me, but that doesn't mean it will work for you.

Just like all the different mental illnesses & disorders out there. They are not the same! Many can have the same symptoms, but it's different for every person who has to live with any of it.

Much like those of us who suffer with suicidal thoughts. The thoughts I have, plus the means I would use in my skewed reality, might be very different than those someone else might think or try to use.

*TRIGGER WARNING* 

(means & methods of suicide to be discussed here)

~if need be, scroll to 'END TRIGGER WARNING'~

I was recently having a conversation with someone who had a run-in of sorts with a guy who was putting down those who have suicidal thoughts. He called anyone who brought up taking their own life a coward, then he said if he heard someone say that, he'd test their cowardice by handing them his gun to see if they'd do it. Then doubted they would, because, you know, they are cowards and all.

OMGoodness!!! Isn't that just horrible?

This is obviously someone who needed some education. I know the person I was talking to tried to explain to this guy that how it's not cowardice, but a cry for help. Also, this person asked the guy if he'd really be OK with someone taking their life by his accomplice of handing his gun to them...what if they used it?

I want to talk about this a bit more. About the means & methods.

When I attempted my suicide, I took a lot of pills. Not an overdose of one thing, but one or two of as many pills I could get my hands on in the house while swallowing them down with one can of Coke. I had enough pills to last me thru every sip or two of that can. And I do mean sips. There were no big drinks taken...just slowly consuming the pills & sipping enough liquid to get them down. I don't know what all I took, or even how many all together, but I do remember 1 or 2 Anacin being in there.

That was my means of choice in my skewed & blurred reality, and it all just needed to end.

I obviously survived it. So, I have lived experience. And, I know I'd never use that type of method again since it didn't work.

I also know what my next means would be in an upcoming attempt I would use. I don't want to! JUST. KNOW. THAT. But when I'm that low, I can feel it...

Here's the deal...
If you know someone who has suicidal thoughts, they probably already know how they want to end things. So if you know what they have talked about using as their means...please make sure they cannot get to it...or that it would be difficult for them to try to use it. Don't leave the opportunity open to see if they'd try it! If that's the case, and they use the means, they are successful in completing their suicide because you didn't think they would...that's on you. Harsh? Yep...because it's true.

Now then, remember that guy that would test the cowardice of someone talking suicide by handing them his gun? If he heard me say I was having suicidal thoughts, and if he handed me his gun...I'd use it.

My original means was to overdose. This was even before I knew I had a mental illness of any sort...I just wanted it to end. But I didn't want to hurt myself. (Remember? I was in a skewed reality...and a teenager.) If that guy heard me talk suicide at that time, and handed me his gun, I wouldn't use it. Why? It wasn't the means I wanted or the method going thru my head. So I guess he would have thought I was a coward. Even though he had no idea what pain I was feeling...the hurt I was dealing with every day of feeling like a worthless failure. I just wanted it to end. But not by someone walking up to me with a firearm & telling me to use it.

Nowadays, when I'm low, I do sense the cold feeling of the metal barrel. I used to feel it against my temple for quite some time, but it has very recently moved position, but the same means, nonetheless.

This is why I cannot have a firearm in my house! And it's why I have the feelings I do about guns & it's connection with anyone with mental illness. (read it HERE, if you dare)

But guess what. Just because that's what I'd use, someone else with the thoughts have a different means lined up. If you walked up with a gun to someone who is actually thinking about hanging themselves, overdosing, jumping off a high spot, cutting themselves, asphyxiation, or anything else...the gun won't suffice.

Don't get me wrong, there might be a few who might be willing to use any method "necessary", but for the most part, a method & means is already in their heads...and that's where the focus is.

By the way...that guy was part of a Christian motorcycle group. Think about that for a moment.

*END TRIGGER WARNING*

I know that was heavy! But I hope it makes sense. We are supposed to be talking about this, right?

Part of why I wanted to bring this up, too, is the fact that we all can look for signs of someone in crisis. If you turn your back, pretend you don't see it, or prefer to stay oblivious to it, it could be a matter of life & death. Literally.

Words are important, especially in promoting a cause or a charity. I try to step up to track down journalists & bloggers who are careless in their wording in articles or on the news. I won't do it publicly to shame them, but will send a private message to them, if possible, to let them know about how words matter. But if that option isn't available, a public comment may have to be the route...if even that's allowed.

Recently, I learned about some more change up in wording & terminology. I'll share them with you, then I'm going to give my take on it as someone with lived experience. So, here goes...

The term "Warning Signs" is now passé. We are supposed to use the term "Invitation."
So, if someone is showing signs, it's supposed to be an invitation for you to maybe take action in some way.

I have no issue with striking the alarmist word of "Warning," but I want to talk about "Signs" & "Invitation."

These are two very different things. They cannot really be lumped together.

If I am having a conversation with you about where my head is at or that I'm feeling low, that is the invitation. I don't do that with just anyone. It would be my hubby & maybe another person or two. But it's directed to anyone I'm discussing my darkness with, especially in the moment.

Now, just because I haven't invited you into my conversation, it certainly doesn't mean you can't spot signs of crisis. (reminder of the Five Signs HERE) <<=== *IMPORTANT LINK*

The invitation is talking about it. The signs are what you show.

When you go to the DMV (oh yes...I just brought that up), you are invited to check in to where you need to go. Then you head to your place, but you can see the signs of what is happening for others there at the DMV.

Invitation; Signs. Two different things. Yet both are extremely important!

When you're driving, that stop sign ahead is meant for you. *Invitation*
As you pull up, you can see the other stop signs or yield signs & you know what the others are supposed to do when they see them. *Signs*

Not necessarily the best examples, but just a thought process into the difference between the two. They cannot really be lumped together. But they can achieve the same thing in the end. In this case, it could be about life or death. Much like in the vehicles...if you ignore the invitation, or if the other signs are ignored, it could be very ugly!

Also, we are still having the issue of having the word "committed" paired with "suicide."
Let me be clear: this continues to add to the stigma. It sounds like a crime has been planned out. This is NOT the case! And we have to stop using it, as well as calling out others (even media) for using this terminology. The individual died by suicide, completed suicide (I'm not fond of this one, but it is used), or took their own life due to fatal complication of mental illness. The fatal breaking point is maybe the worst side effect/symptom of mental illness.

The thing I do is commit to live...not commit to die. Let's not forget that!

~~~~~~~~~~

Whew! There's a lot to unload here. But vital things in the realm of mental health/illness & suicide conversation & understanding.

The more you know, people. The more you know.

Stay tuned...

God Bless, AM~Erica

AM~Erica Should Probably Take it as a Sign

So anyway...

For quite some time, I have heard about & caught some posts from a fabulous writer/blogger/humorist, Snarky in the Suburbs. And because several of my friends & online friends sharing so many of her things, I thought I was actually following her. When another face-to-face friend brought Snarky up to me, I wanted to make sure I was actually following her...and I wasn't. I was, inadvertently, following her vicariously thru others. D'oh!

Well, I am officially following her now. And you should check out her stuff & see if you'd like to follow her, too. (click for blog HERE; click for Facebook page HERE)

Now then, the other day, Snarky shared a blog post that contained a guest blogger. It was from an angry health-nut, hippy-commune-needing mom who is looking to ruin every child's Halloween & how Halloween celebrating moms/parents are actually child killers.

No. Really. You can read it right HERE.

Now then, I realize it was probably written in over-dramatic satire. But I did comment on the post in hopes that Snarky would just give me a virtual cinnabon.

But, I want to get to my point. In my comment, I brought up making pumpkin hummus. I said it just to prove a point. I'm not really a hummus eater, but just because it's not really around...I'd probably be the only who really ate it in my house, anyway.

Then, as I was browsing Pinterest...imagine my shock when I came across this staring at me today:

Click the pic, above, to take you to the pin & eventually to the recipe

Yeah...that's right. Pumpkin hummus, which I'd never heard of before & thought it was something created in my head, and here it slapped me in the face!

*sigh* It's fall. And autumn is my favorite time of year! With THE COLORS, with it being FOOTBALL SEASON, and it's time for MY FAVORITE HOLIDAY. So I guess I might have to work getting this hummus working. Amm-i-rite? It's a total sign. Amm-i-rite?

I'll make it while I'm chowing on the candy that's supposed to be for Halloween...and finding one of those cinnabons from Snarky.

And I'll also be going thru a bag of baby carrots to dip into the pumpkin hummus...

Stay tuned...

God Bless, AM~Erica

AM~Erica is Prepared

So anyway...

I've been keeping up (or trying to) on the horrifying images, stories & updates coming out of Japan. They are certainly getting it from all ways!

With "Snowpocalypse" that happened not long ago & with the Japanese scenes being called "Apocalyptic", everyone is scrambling to Revelation for guidance...again.

I will NOT downplay what is happening...this is tragic & of course there are "signs of the end" attached to it. All of this going on does not help but feed the crowd concerned about 2012 being the end.

However, there are people putting out there that "this is the end" & "here are the signs". The bible passages are being taken out of context as the following passages remind us that only God knows the end. We must be prepared for whenever that time comes. Signs like this have happened several times through the ages & the end has been prophesied each and every time.

Folks, we don't know. We just need to know that we must be prepared at any time.

Awful things are happening around us that are definite signs of "THE END", but that time is NOT specifically put out there. Sure, it could be tomorrow...and it could be another thousand years from now.

Anyone who has put an absolute time on the end of all is wrong. The Rapture was supposed to happen back in spring of 1989, and now it is supposed to happen on May 21st of this year (sorry to my daughter, that's her birthday). But the fact is...WE DO NOT KNOW!

We must always keep watch. Live like everyday is your last, but live it fully in the name of Jesus Christ. But do not live it out in vain.

If you take out your bible, or find one, you need to read Matthew 24:36-44.

With Japan being hit by the earthquakes, tsunami & nuclear meltdown scares, of course it looks bleak. This is not a time to point fingers but to band together. I am a large believer in taking care of our own, don't get me wrong, but it's major tragedies like this that the world must come together. What Japan has & is going through is catastrophic. They do not have the resources & manpower/peoplepower to deal what they are going through. This is where we must step up. This is also part of our preparation for the end times...whenever that may be. We are to take care of those less fortunate & help them get back on their feet so they can once again continue on their own.

The Red Cross does do a lot & so does UMCOR (United Methodist Committee on Relief). I highly suggest one of these to help give to so they, who are trained to deal with these crises, can help out over there. Pray for them & support them with gifts & donations that they are looking for to help in the efforts.

In the meantime, prepare yourselves. Everyday is the beginning of the end. I do not mean that negatively. I look forward to the day when I have eternal life in heaven through the saving grace of Jesus Christ. Am I terrified of what is going on? Yes. I am terrified for the people having to go through this. Am I afraid? Well, not really. I continue to prepare my heart for whenever that day comes. Because at anytime it could be THE end or our own end.

So when you start quoting the bible about the signs, please complete the thought & text by reminding everyone that we do not know when the end is, not even the Son. Only our Father in Heaven knows when that will be.

Stay tuned...

God Bless, AM~Erica