AM~Erica's Beady Talk

So anyway...

As we begin Lent (my take on the season, HERE), we are recovering from a string of celebrating from Super Bowl, Lunar New Year, and Mardi Gras.

Many will prepare to have ashes spread across their foreheads in preparation as we remove celebratory decor that adorned our surroundings for the past few days, even weeks.

I surprised my family by pulling out a lot of my Mardi Gras decor and putting it up around the living room & dining room for our own celebration. Hadn't had a chance to do that in the past few years, so I was glad to be able to have some time, and energy (finally), to spruce the place up to look festive.

But, alas, the party is over, and decor must come down.

And as I was pulling down the masks & beads, it reminded me of something:

The beads really stuck with me, especially seeing them all together in a big bunch. I thought about the large number of beads at the AFSP Out of the Darkness Walks.

I've said it before (from my first walk - HERE, and my second walk - HERE) that looking at the layout of beads seems to have a very Mardi Gras/Carnival-type look at first glance.

These beads you see adorning necks at the Out of the Darkness walks have deep meaning. Each color is representative of someone in your life, as it relates to suicide survivors and the relationship they have with those they lost or with those who struggle (even themselves).

As amazing & beautiful it is to see these colors everywhere, the pain behind them is all-too real.

On any given Mardi Gras, I have no shame in loading up my neck with the green, purple & gold/yellow colors. I'm completely ridiculous like that. This fact really isn't news.
However, when it comes to the AFSP event aspect, the green stays around my neck. My struggle is painfully real. (check out my list of posts concerning my struggles HERE)

Since I know I'm not the only one who struggles, I wear the newest color addition to the spectrum: teal. There's those of you reading this, right now, who I know go through this hurt. Because you've told me. Which is a brave thing to do - to step up & just say something to someone.
I feel weird saying it's a brave thing to do. I say it, however, because I've been told the same thing. And I realize when you tell anyone - whether it's for the first time saying it, or if it's to someone new - it's completely nerve-racking! So it does take some courage to say something. And I'm so proud of you!

Because so many of us do struggle with surviving our own attempt &/or intense suicidal thoughts, I know I never want anyone else to got through that. So I support the cause. That means I wear a blue strand of beads, too.

My bead color combo is very different than anyone else's at the walks. There are so many who sport several of the colors, maybe a couple of the same color. The color combinations are nearly as unique as those who wear them around their necks.

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As we enter into Lent, my focus is as different as the sets of beads, between Mardi Gras & AFSP. Though a beautiful time, it is much more solemn. We now enter a journey leading the beauty of Easter, just as the journey each of us who are part of AFSP hope to get to the beauty of no more suicide anywhere.

Anyway...beads. I was just contemplating the difference in the beads, how much they look alike, yet how different they really are. Just like each one of us - some of us may appear to be from the same mold, but we aren't.

Many times, we are all actually wandering through our own wilderness looking for Easter.

Keep going. Sometimes it gets darker before the day breaks. Good Friday was hard & excruciating, but it leads to the beauty of Easter.

Keep going.

Stay tuned...

God Bless, AM~Erica

AM~Erica is 1 of 25

So anyway...

I'm just going to come right out & say it:
I'm 1 of 25.

For all my fellow Trekkies (or Trekkers - whichever you identify with) out there, I realize that sounds very Borg-like. But I'm not talking about Seven of Nine, but a statistic.

Ugh! I hate being a statistic! But I am like many other women who fight migraines AND depression. But that's not what I'm talking about either...except the depression part does lead to this particular statistic.

Did you know that suicide is the 10th leading cause of death?
Now think about this:
Did you know that for every suicide, there are 25 attempts?

That's right. There are 25 people who attempt suicide for every single one who completes their own. We should be heartbroken enough to grieve for the one we lost, but we should be gravely concerned for the ones that are trying to escape pain; the ones that see no other viable option.

People - that's me. I am 1 of 25.

In just a few days, I will have the opportunity to walk with hundreds of others for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) in Kansas City.  We walk for raising the awareness of suicide; we walk to raise funds to lead to the dwindling, and, hopefully, the prevention of suicide.

Many of these people who walk have lost someone close to them due to suicide. This Out of the Darkness walk is heartbreaking-yet-healing in its own experience. There are so many, in just our area, who have been affected in some way by suicide.

Then, there's those like me. The ones who are part of the 25. The ones with lived experience; the ones who failed their attempt. I failed my attempt. I'm still here. They are still here. We don't know why...but here we are.

Now, I don't ever want anyone to ever be in that position! Ever! But I do still struggle. Many of us who have failed our attempts have tried more than once &/or fight the thoughts to do so again.

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When someone shows up to one of the Out of the Darkness walks, pretty much everyone is wearing beads around their necks. Though it seems like something out of a Mardi Gras celebration, it isn't. It's much deeper than that.
These are honor beads. Each color represents a category of why they are walking.

When I showed up for the first time, last year, it slowly begin to hit me when I saw these colors (some had more than one) draped around their necks:
When someone is wearing a red one; when someone is wearing a couple of white ones; when someone is wearing a white AND orange one; when someone is wearing a white AND silver one; when someone is wearing a couple of purples AND a red one...I think you get the picture.

Let me tell you why I walk.

First, I walk because I am 1 of the 25.  Remember? And you know what? I know several others of you reading this right now are part of the 25. I walk so we can break the stigma & speak freely without feeling as we are looked down upon because we struggle, or get backlash because of our pain.

Suicide seems to be such a taboo subject. The things people say to someone who lost a loved one, or who just openly say such callus things about suicide is shocking, and heartbreaking.

I know those who have lost a loved one to suicide. And the things they hear certainly don't help with healing! If no one is going to tell someone who lost a loved one to a heart attack or cancer that their loved one asked for it, then it shouldn't be said about someone lost to suicide.

This thing is bigger than me. It's bigger than you! People are suffering & get to a point, in a skewed reality, that the pain is too great to go on. We must fight for these people!!

With 108 suicides every day, there are 2,700 attempts in the same time frame.

There's so much we are trying to do. So many lives we are trying to save!

So, when I walk, I will wear the GREEN, TEAL, and BLUE honor beads.
I have lived experience & still struggle.
I know of others with lived experience &/or struggle.
I support the cause, because I want to see an end to suicide all together.

Now then, you can help, too.

I am, once again, walking with Team SOLOS. And I am raising funds. Every little bit helps.

Donating online is easy & safe. You can click on my picture, below, to take you to the fundraising page!

Even $5 will bring us closer to a world without suicide. And AFSP is the leader in funding research leading to finding the roots of the fatal suicide side effect of many illnesses.

Being a part of AFSP, we are looking to drop the suicide rate 20% by the year 2025. It is thru the funding for education & research that we can do this, and your support.

Chances are you have been affected by suicide in your life: maybe you lost someone, maybe someone close to you attempted to take their own life &/or struggles, maybe, just maybe, you are 1 of 25.

Maybe you would care enough to join us this weekend. We will be at Berkley Riverfront Park. We will be walking, volunteering, supporting, grieving, hugging...and just be there for each other as we continue to raise awareness of suicide.

You can still register online thru Friday, October 2nd, until NOON (CST) at http://afsp.donordrive.com. When you come, which honor beads will you don?

Thank you for any help you are willing give.

Stay tuned...

God Bless, AM~Erica (1 of 25)