AM~Erica Spoke for the First Time

So anyway...

Between some health issues within our family, as well as kiddo schedules AND other things I'm involved in, the past few weeks have been really crazy!!

One of the things I've been able to be a part of has been the Out of the Darkness walk in Kansas City.

If you remember, I did the walk last year (reminder HERE), and my advocacy has kind of skyrocketed in the meantime!

Within that year,  I became a field advocate for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, I kept sharing my story & struggle, I was invited to be a part of the board for the AFSP chapter of Greater Kansas (including the KC metro areas), and meaning I would be helping with this upcoming walk.

(part of my journey to being on the board, HERE)

Once again, I was raising funds for the cause, setting a lower goal, and met it - thanks to a small handful of you. THANK YOU!!

Because it all led up to this past Saturday: the Out of the Darkness walk in Kansas City.

Last year was so overwhelming for me.
I was moved to be able to raise funds & come walk for something so important, but I felt out of place.
As someone with lived experience, there was this guilty feeling that washed over me as I stood there amongst all of these people who actually lost someone to suicide. Would they be judgmental & angry with me because I survived my attempt? Would they wonder why I'm still here & their loved one is not? The feeling was almost too much to bear.
However, I was greeted with so much love & understanding; I was told by these people they were so glad I was there...that I made it! Then that was almost too much to bear.

When I first came on the AFSP KS board, I shared my guilt. I asked them why I was even there. I let them know I felt so guilty sitting in their presence since they lost someone, and here I am. This is where beautiful grace kicks in: I was told they needed me there; I was told I could give them perspective of what may have been going through the minds of their loved ones before losing them. I was there to help bring understanding. Then I almost felt like there might be more resting upon my shoulders in this position, but felt better about being there.

With that said, a couple of days before the walk, a few of us were trying to help with last minute preparations. The day before the walk, I was getting calls about more prep I could help with: I was on to pick up a a prize from the Missouri Mavericks hockey team for a raffle prize, plus I got a call that stunned me:
Barb, our wonderful & amazing leader, called to see if I could give a talk the next morning about my struggle.
*GULP* wha-WHA??
But, as it happens, out of my mouth came something to the effect of, "Sure! Whatever you need me to do. I've blogged on it, so I have go-to material. How long do you need it to be?"

What was I saying? I was in the midst of running errands with my hubby, like we do on Fridays, and here I am agreeing to give a speech less than 24 hours from that point. Holy Cannoli! And, not only should it be about my struggle, but make it uplifting to everyone there grieving. Great. Got it.
*ahem*

So that afternoon & evening, I was poring over my previous blog posts to see what I should cover. So, I was cutting & pasting what I thought might be helpful (thank you, God, for showing me the way to blogging), then filling in transitions while trying to edit a bit. But, after a while, I had something.

Then, the day came: the Out of the Darkness walk was upon us!!

I got up very early to get ready. So did Teen Girl. See, she was one of the official photographers for the event. We got around, I had to get coffee, and we were off to Berkeley Riverfront Park in Kansas City.

Being a part of the board, it was important we got there early to help with set up. I was, apparently, in charge of directing the staging of the event setup with the unloading of the truck.
Ummm...I have to confess: I had no clue what I was doing. People would walk up to me with bins of material needed to make the walk successful, and I just kept pointing down the main sidewalk, saying, "Take it that way!" But I did know where registration was, so anything having to do with that, I knew to send them another direction. I'm sure I did great! (I'm sure there's a joke in there somewhere.)

When that was done, I was trying to help set up a table or two, then I was sent to help with registration.
*GULP*
I had no clue what I was going to do! But I went to the walk-up side of registration, got a crash course in how to approach it, then, again, approached it as if I knew what I was doing.

While a small handful of people came to register before the official walk-up registration opening, a familiar face was standing in front of my table while filling out a form, but using a clipboard instead of the table. Though I realized who it was, I wasn't going to let on, at first. He was our event MC for the morning. I just told him he could use the table, but I was informed he had a clipboard. OK, so I let it go. But when he informed me, with shock & fear in his eyes, that he had to take the form with him since he always makes a donation & he had to run to his car, I just simply said, "That's OK, Nick. I'll be right here when you get back, I'm Erica." This is when he nodded & commented on my tutu.

I figured out who Nick was. He looks exactly like he does on TV! Nick Vasos, a local news anchor for the 9:00 AM & NOON newscasts for Fox 4 KC, plus the early morning traffic guy (and sometimes fills in for a brief weather update).
Everyone, say hi to Nick!

Apparently Nick has been the event MC before. He was supposed to do it last year, but had to back out last year. He was back for this year, and I was so glad he was! I knew he was probably there with the loss of a beloved weatherman, Don Harmon (I brought him up in this post, HERE). Come to find out, he'd also lost his brother.
Nick was a wonderful MC! So glad he could join us on the amazing, and beautiful day.

As so many people looked like they were gathering to check in & get registered, things were coming together. The Sean McNown Band was playing while keeping things lively & moving while Nick made announcements throughout.

Then the ceremonies were about to begin, so registration closed, and I made my way over to the side of the stage area.
First up was the bead ceremony - the presenting of each color honor bead by a participant who is connected to that color, plus their story.

I was part of that ceremony last year. I represented blue. Blue is for one who supports the cause.

You know, last year I felt so guilty being there as part of that bead ceremony...among so many who lost someone...while I survived my lived experience...

I watched this year's ceremony, I was semi-listening to the stories. I was going over my talk I was about to give. and had that guilty feeling coming over me again. I was about to take the mic on the stage...to talk about my struggle...to all of these survivors of those they lost. Around 900 people, as a matter of fact.

Trust me, I have no problem taking the stage. I don't mind taking the mic to talk or make announcements. I've done it before to upwards of about 500 people. But usually that was playing a part, or just a quick little announcement. I mean, I've given talks & mini speeches about myself before, but not to a crowd this big...and not about this subject.

My nerves started to pick up. My guilt was setting in. What was I doing? Was this long-winded drivel of mine going to reach anyone? Was I just going to be wasting time?

I don't know if the look of panic was coming across my face, but while Barb had taken the mic, Nick walked over to me asked if I was nervous, then let me know it will be fine & just asked what I'd be talking about about. He explained he'd be introducing me. All I could muster up was, "My experience." He confirmed, then pretty much headed right for Barb to take the mic.
*GULP*

There I was, standing there in my tutu, my EVENT STAFF shirt, and my papers containing a lot of words. And I was introduced, Nick looked my way, and handed me the mic...

...I was on...
*breathe in; breathe out*

I looked around at the 900 or so people & looked down at my papers, and began to speak...

That's me, in the tutu, talking to the masses - picture captured by my friend, April

So I just opened my mouth and began to read the words of who I am, how my struggle came about, how dark it can get, and hopefully offering some hope from it. Even to those grieving the ones they lost.

I was pretty emotional. I didn't know how things were going to go, I just laid my heart out there about my struggle.

Me talking next to the bead ceremony display -
interestingly, next to the 3 colors of honor beads I wear: green, blue & teal.
Photo taken by Teen Girl.

I was ready to give up the mic. I didn't want to look at anyone, really. And I didn't care who the first person was to reach me, I was giving them the microphone...
...Nick walked over. I gave him the mic...and then he hugged me, then a little harder, and a little harder...
Wow...I think I needed that. Just the reassurance. And, not gonna lie...I had to take a couple of tissue breaks during my talk. So one of my thoughts going through my head in that moment was, "Don't snot on Nick...please don't snot on Nick."

I was then greeted by Caroline, one of our walk organizers & a force in the chapter. She hugged me so big! Then by Barb, too.

Barb Nelson, Nick Vasos & Caroline Allen
Photo by Boden Photography

At that moment, a huge weight was lifted from me...and I was almost completely emotionally drained. Just talking about it took a lot out of me.

Then it was about time to begin the walk...
...yet in the meantime, several were coming up to me asking if I was in their heads. Apparently God laid upon my heart what needed to be heard by even just one person. But I was caught by several.

My daughter b-lined toward me. I'll be honest, I'm not always the most forthright with my family about the depth of my struggle. I'm not sure my kids are fully aware that the thoughts still go through my head. So Teen Girl got a few pictures, but said she had to stop because she was sobbing. I think it was a bit of a wakeup call.

I made my way over to the walking course. I couldn't find my team anywhere, so I just began to walk with the crowds. What was wonderful about it was the fact that I actually got stopped by different people to talk about what I said, then even about their struggles, their loved ones, their grief, and why we were there walking. One lady was even on the phone as she walked & stopped me for a hug anyway...while on the phone!

Eventually, I did see my team at a distance, but I couldn't really catch up to them, so I hoped to meet up with some of them later.

Banner for Team SOLOS
photo taken by Teen Girl

On the walk, one lady said she found a flower on the walking path & had been carrying it as it was a perfectly formed flower, but it seemed hopeful since it was part of God's creation. She looked at it & decided I should have it. She was moved by what I'd said.
Many of you know I usually wear a flower in my hair, but I didn't on this day since I didn't know how the breeze would match up with it. So, I placed it behind my ear.

Some other folks I got to speak with talked about the tutus. Especially some with kiddos who love tutus.

When I came upon completion of my final lap, I was greeted by my daughter, and we made our way over to the side of the staging area. Soon, closing ceremonies would be taking place.

As we made our way over, a woman came up to me in tears! She wanted a picture with me, then began to explain she was a survivor of her own attempts. As I looked at her button that begins "I Walk For...," she wrote in the word, "MYSELF!" She did open up about how guilty she felt being there walking with all of these other people who lost someone to suicide when she survived her attempts (sound familiar?). I told her we would get our picture & then I wanted to talk to her...

It was then I began to tell her that it seemed to be a common feeling for those of us in that place. I even told her I still felt guilty being there, and then shared the explanation I got for being on the board. I reminded her she has purpose & that I know she doesn't always feel awesome or beautiful, but needed to give her that reassurance.
Then she did something quite unexpected...
She pulled a ring off of her finger & put it on one of mine. The simple silver band simply reads, "HOPE." She was adamant that I have it. i didn't know what to say, but just hoped that I really helped her in her feelings of being there & to keep going.

Then came the reading of the names: the names of those that were lost to suicide to be remembered. Their names are read allowed to be remembered - their names will continue to be spoken.
After the list is read solemnly, there is the balloon release.

The balloon release contains helium-filled balloons with messages of grief & hope of those lost to suicide. These messages are written throughout the morning & even during the walk & placed with other messages on balloons under a net. When the time comes, these brightly-colored balloons are released together as the messages float to the heavens for our loved ones.
It's beautiful, it's heartbreaking...it's bittersweet.

As things wound down, I went over to help put things away, and I was caught by some more folks. One gal said she remembered my tutu from last year, and that their grief was 4-months fresh. Then, she wanted me to talk to a beautiful young woman next to her. As I spoke to her, I found out she had homecoming that night, and...she almost didn't get to see homecoming. She was just 2-weeks freshly out of her latest attempt. WOW...that was hard! I was so glad she could see homecoming! And I told her I was glad she was there to talk about it, to see this next event in her life, and to keep looking for the next tomorrow. Her mother came into the conversation, too.

Right after that, I was approached by another young woman who had a lot to talk about. Her attempt(s) happen to be right on the forefront of her mind, as well as her ongoing struggle & how it affected her family.

By the time I was done with those conversations, my table was already cleared!, so I took down the signage, the tablecloth & the table. And then to help out where I could.

But...not before trying to get just a few pics in! I didn't get a lot. I was pretty busy this day. But glad I grabbed these couple!

Here I am with my adorable, sweet friend & fellow board member, April

Here I am with Jenn, the amazing leader & founder of SOLOS.
Love this gal, and still credit her for launching my advocacy.
God definitely put us in each other's paths years ago for a reason.

Took a moment to pause as things were winding way down to get a pic
by the river at Berkley Riverfront Park

Plus, I did finally catch up with my team:

Here's a large portion of Team SOLOS
I borrowed this pic from my friend, Jenn - not sure who took the photo

With all of this, I got a few of my take-aways from the day:

Here are my beads: Green, Blue & Teal
plus the flower & the ring I was handed by fellow walkers

T-shirt I received for raising at least $150
(front - above; back - below)

Even though I was so much more involved this year, I still felt so insignificant in this grander scheme.
There's still SO much work that has to be done, folks!! We are still losing people to suicide; we are losing people in their thoughts.

You can still donate through the end of the year! At the time of this posting, you can look at the top left of this blog page & see where you can click to donate.

As part of what we do, $10 helps distribute an educational DVD about mental health & suicide. Education leads to breaking of stigma & making strides in suicide prevention!

In some added confirmation that maybe my struggles hit home with someone, a friend of mine shared a post from one of her friends at the walk. In the post, he said he heard a speech that let him know it's OK to talk about it, so he opened up about his attempts & continued struggles, and that it was time he started talking about it. WOW! This is what we need, people!

Let's start talking. Let's break the stigma. Let's start moving toward a suicide-free world.

(you can read through my journey of struggle HERE)

In the meantime, I need rest. I'm drained. I'm worn down. And it's time for some self care. I need to begin feeling better so I can continue the fight & advocacy. Amm-i-rite?

I will continue to Be The Voice to help #StopSuicide

Also, I may publish my speech soon. A couple of people asked if I would. But I have at least one more speaking engagement coming soon, so I will flag everyone down if I get it published. Sound like a deal?

Stay tuned...

God Bless, AM~Erica

AM~Erica is So Proud of the Accomplishments

So anyway...

It's that time of year when the school year winds down and another fiscal year is coming to a close.

This is also the time of year for the extra curricular awards banquets & ceremonies, too. And this year is no different.

Last night was one of those banquets. Teen Boy had his end-of-the-year squad awards banquet for his speech & debate squad.

Due to some unforeseen circumstances, the banquet was moved to our church! YAY!! So my son helped my hubby set up for the event.

It was catered, and the food was pretty good; there were speeches from the seniors for their farewells; there was an ongoing slideshow of all the craziness that happened within the squad thru the year; and there were awards....a whole lot of awards!

Now, we knew that Teen Boy would be getting his letter in debate...again (so a bar to add to the letter), his degree promotion for the points he's accumulated thru the year, plus he'd be bringing home his trophies he earned thru the year, too. Plus we had an idea of at least another award he'd probably get. So we were looking forward to this year. Taking it all in.

As the awards were getting going, he got his bar for both the speech and debate sides (so a bar for each), and he received his degrees of Outstanding Distinction AND Superior Distinction!

Woo Hoo!!!

Then they started giving out the squad awards. These are voted on by the squad!!

When it came time for International Extemper of the Year...it was Teen Boy. We figure that was the other one he was getting...but still...WOO HOO!!

He was also helping to present one of the awards, too. So that was fun....

But then things started going crazy!!

All of a sudden, he got honorable mention (read: 1st runner up) for Varsity Lincoln-Douglas Debater of the Year AND for Varsity Congressman of the Year!!
PLUS....he was voted Varsity Public Forum Debater of the Year with his debate partner!!

Also, as officers were being announced for next year, our son wasn't called up...but....
He was appointed as the Debate Chair of the squad's annual speech & debate tournament they host!! We were SO excited!! Not necessarily surprised, but still so proud! Supposedly he didn't want it, but thought he'd throw his hat in the ring to be considered "if they needed him to do it." Apparently he's what they needed.

Oh...we started reminiscing with him at the table when the members of the year awards were being given. They were handing out the Novice-of-the-Year awards...and we were talking about when Teen Boy won one of the novice awards a couple of years ago (reminder HERE).

Then as it came time to announce the Varsity-Member-of-the-Year, within a couple of seconds of his coach talking, I started getting choked up. But I was trying to hold it in...it sounded like our son she was describing, but I would have looked like an idiot for crying for another kid. So I looked down & away as the description continued to sound like Teen Boy! And so....she called his name!!

*CRIES*

Even one of the seniors address him in her farewell speech to keep him encouraged.

Whew!! I was an emotional wreck! My hubby was an emotional wreck! We have another year of this, people. If we were this mushy for his junior year...
*ahem*
Never mind...I don't even want to think about next year. It's gonna have to be a box of tissues for all.

And then the outgoing president got up to give his closing remarks & farewell speech. This guy is a great guy...and apparently was making bets with other seniors about whether or not they'd cry during their speeches. LOL!! But...mostly because he know he was going to be a puddle of mush during his speech. One of the saddest & most touching I've ever heard.
He singled out a few of the squad members, but knew he needed to get a move on (the banquet was already nearing 4 hours long...as usual).

Then closing remarks from the coaches came. And it was a prepared statement with shocking news. News that prompted shock, silence & tears as the send off was given. A statement when prompted me to put out an open letter to our district superintendent & school board. (can be read HERE, along with the statement given that caused the chaos)

As everyone was consoling each other & the seniors were giving their last banquet hugs, the outgoing president came up to us & apologized for not singling Teen Boy out...but he said he was already a weepy mess. But he wanted our son to know how great this guy thought he was. But we were interrupted as Teen Boy walked by, so the outgoing president could run over, hug him & tell him himself.

We think he's pretty awesome. And we are so glad he's found where he belongs. And he does pretty well...

The awards, degrees, certificates, and earned trophies
(not including additional medals received for placing thru the year)

It was an emotional night. We are so proud of what Teen Boy has accomplished....and we look forward to what he'll do next year!

...but it might night be without a bunch of tears.

Stay tuned...

God Bless, AM~Erica

AM~Erica Apparently Needs Address it Again

So anyway...

Another school year is coming to a close. And we have had to deal with some flighty decisions made by a school district who is trying to hide behind a veil of "care", but many of us see the writing on the wall. A veil that can easily be seen thru if you take a moment to actually look thru it. When the light hits it just right, it's clear.

Last night was one of those times that the veil could be seen thru. And we were reminded how not pretty the face beneath it lies.

So, I'm going to take another moment to lift the veil to speak to those who hide underneath, and I will address those who need addressed in an open letter.

**********

Dear Dr. Herl & the Independence District School Board Members,

The flood of changes that have been made throughout these last couple of years have been mostly baffling. Trying to keep up with decisions made nearly out of the blue are concerning.

Many of these changes made have not shown where the kids have been kept in mind. Instead it appears there is an irresponsible wielding of power going on. It's disheartening & disappointing as a parent watching & witnessing the amount of seemingly unnecessary changes going on way too often.

With the recent levy that passed (by nearly a roughly 60/40% passing - which isn't an overwhelming margin by any means), that was supposed to mean it's supposed to bring in more teachers to help control class size. Which sounds great on the surface. But a couple of types of people got their votes to pass it in who either:

A) don't have direct contact or involvement in the schools, but think they are helping the kids without further information expect blindly listening to those pushing in favor of it,

B) have kids in the district because this is where they went & just want anything that sounds remotely positive to happen to keep the veil pulled over their eyes in hopes the bad stuff isn't really happening so their kids could go thru the same buildings they did.

This combination is your 60%. The other 40% know what's up, or at least can see the problems with the scenario. If the citizen remain & continue to be informed, plus letting more of the 60% know, and then that is true power.

And with that said, every year, with each class of seniors that come thru, there will be a whole new round of those kids turning 18. This means all of them will have the power to vote. This means that they have lived the confusing changes, don't trust the district, and, therefore, will not vote for any moves they deem unworthy of their support.

Just like much of what's taken place over these last two years. Great administrators were chased out because there's a district who thought they were also in real estate. Teachers left after being used as chess pieces within the district for not a lot of good reason. The only reason, really, was to prove the district could move them. More money has been taken from anything that is not sports. As there are students excelling in their non-sports departments, even representing the district & their schools on upwards of a national level, funds keep getting taken away right & left. They seem to be the first with swift, chaotic changes that are happening way too often. They can't get settled in changes made.

In just this last year, alone, we have seen a superintendent abusing power, seemingly with the backing of the school board. But the question becomes whether or not the board really has tabs on the district leader. If you click HERE, I have already been giving examples leading up to this letter. (Please read the link within that link, too, for an even greater understanding of where some of this stems from.)

There are many of us afraid of watching a villain coming forward. Someone who is in it for the power & the title. Someone who is willing to hide behind charity to "prove" right decisions are being made. And there's too many who refuse to speak up about it.

Things are not good here. If you look at Independence school rankings, even in just Missouri, it's embarrassing how far down the list this district is listed. If you look thru any given top high schools or school districts in Missouri, NONE of the Independence schools are even in the top 100. On one of the sites, which I'm trying to remember where we found it, Independence was given a 5 out 10 possible points. Neighboring districts, Blue Springs & Liberty, were given 8 or 9. Embarrassing.

With all of these things going down, and teachers being used as chess pieces, or just watching them leave so they don't get caught up being game pieces, something is already seemingly coming to fruition that I was trying to warn voters of when the levy came out. I went on some rants about how I was concerned with who would be handling the money since there has been no trust built as of late. Supposedly, there was to be a tight look on how the money would be spent & it was going to be monitored closely.

Dr. Herl was supposed to be speaking to a Sunday school class at our church about the levy, before the vote. I was prepped & ready to find him to discuss major issues behind my opinion of the levy & how I felt it was a catch-22. Then I found out he had backed out about 2 day beforehand, and a couple members of the school board would be there instead. I was disappointed, but looked at the situation as an opportunity to be able to approach the board about all of my concerns about the proposed levy & about the superintendent that is more than not-trusted. I was willing to lay out the reasons, too. Then it turned out it wouldn't be school board members, but instead a FORMER board member AND a spouse of a board member! Apparently it was against the rules for those who would be handling the levy money could not make a push for the levy, but send cronies out instead. Ugh.

Well, I still took the opportunity to corner one of the speakers about my concerns. He was not at all aware about what had been going on. Everything I told him was complete news to him. And it was after speaking to a class of grandparents...you know, part of the 60%. The clueless ones hoping to get information, but only listening blindly to what is being fed to them. I am glad a few of them are friends of mine & already had an idea from me as to what is actually happening in the district.

I'm laying all of this out, right now, Dr. Herl & Board, so that you will know where this next piece of information is coming from.

Last night, the Truman HS speech & debate squad had their end-of-the-year awards banquet. It was a lovely evening & we were so proud of the accomplishments of, not only our own child, but those of the whole squad. Seniors were giving their farewells. And it was awesome how they did after the major double-change that was a part of the chaos being dealt with this year.

When you wanted to continue to lift up Van Horn, while continuing to lay great focus on that high school (without a great deal of care for the other two high schools that need your great attention, too),  by doubling up the great speech & debate coaching team at Truman by dividing their time between the two schools, that was enough to hurt our hearts to watch our beloved coaches working with TWO separate squads. Squads that still compete against each other at their tournaments. Sounds like a conflict of interest to me. But I digress....
After this had been decided upon, the competitive drama teacher decided it would be best to leave the district instead, going to a neighboring district and taking her talents with her. It was a bombshell dropped upon the squad and parents. This meant bringing in another coach. Another coach who would be sharing their time between two squads. Double bombshell.

So, a new coach was brought in, much to the dismay of the competitive drama side of the squad. But, thru this year, he proved to be a worthy coach & really helped these kids to make great strides! In a school-year's time the kids were so thankful for him coming on board & being the great coach that he has been. The seniors gave him high praise, even apologizing for emotional attitudes out of early defiance...because they came to love him & couldn't wait to see how he would coach the other squad members in the time to come. Heck, he'd even turned down more money from a another school to stay on with this squad because he saw such great potential in this up & coming group of talented kids!

The squad persevered this past year of sharing coaches AND a new coach, too. And my son has been talking to the new coach to help him with some speaking pointers this coming year to help him excel more...

After the closing remarks from the squad president, then it came time for closing remarks from the debate coach...
As she took her place at the podium, she said that she had typed up what she would be saying so there would be no question about what was about to be said & that it could be made available to anyone who couldn't be there....

Uh-oh...something's up. We braced because whatever was coming wasn't going to be good.

Then, she shared these words:

As a celebratory & fun night of memories, tears, and accomplishments was a wonderful highlight, the sharing of this news made the night take a shocking downward spiral. After the last line was read, there was a stunned silence followed by sobs of sadness. Not only were the seniors experiencing the close of their final squad banquet, but the squad, as a whole, lost a whole lot in one fell swoop. Not only the seniors they've been looking up to, but there would be yet another huge change to deal with as they were just getting their footing.

I'm going to take this back to the passing of the levy vote for a moment:
Just because you have that money coming in now, this doesn't mean you should spend it almost frivolously. This lay out has Mr. Stafford on the way out the door within a few short years. It also is costing the district even more money. What has been proposed by the coaches to be able to keep the initial arrangement, set up for just this year, but to eliminate the travel money, would actually save the district a huge amount of money. Now they want to keep hiring staff that may or may not last. The squad just became OK with the set up after seeing they could still succeed, even sharing their coaches with another squad WHILE getting to know a new coach. And that has been torn away from them again.

Now, I'm going to be clear right now. Mrs. Adams did NOT engage in anymore conversation after reading the letter. She did NOT tell anyone to say anything concerning this. The squad members had already taken to Twitter to voice their disappointment. Several of us parents were discussing our great disappointment. And the answers we wanted were not coming from Mrs. Adams. She read the info she needed to, made the speech available, and that was it. Do NOT put blame on her as we express our great disappointment in the district. This is on you!

This is also a parent reaching out to have you reconsider their proposal. They want the kids to succeed & will do anything, apparently, to invest in the success of the kids. What are you doing about it?

We watch you tear away at relationships with teachers & students, messing with futures, education, and careers. It's disheartening.

After one year of a trial, that was a difficult one to get thru, you have decided to shake things up again. So, are you going to keep making huge changes every single year? Change can be good, once in while. If no one has time to settle with the changes, it is nothing but chaos. And I hurt for the kids having to deal with your actions.

The teachers, staff & students whose lives you are dealing with are people. They are not inanimate objects that can just be moved around & changed at random to "try a new arrangement." They are NOT furniture.

Now, if any of you could have been at that banquet last night in support of these students, outside of sports, you would have seen the wave of pain that fell over that room. There was a great sea of tears with the wailing & gnashing of teeth. And, understandably so.

So, when will you be taking responsibility for actions taken? When are you going to see that swift decisions can ruin lives? As we try to parent our kids about what a bad decision can do to mess up a life forever, you are proving in in vast masses.

With a superintendent who tweets with students while other administrators & educators cannot is just the tip of the irresponsibility iceberg. And things are sinking quickly.

The question now becomes whether or not you will see your actions in a different light. Are your decisions actually helping the students? Are you just doing things for money to look good in the public eye? Are you actually listening to concerns & willing to take action over them? And are your decisions actually for the whole student body, all the activities...or do you just want attention on sports hoping the boosters will just keep giving to that & pretending the district is doing well?

The district is failing. It is failing & falling fast. There is no consistency at all. And this community cannot keep up with the amount of change you are putting thru because you can't make up your minds as to how you can handle the district, the staff, the students as you just keep dollar signs in the forefront.

You cannot hide behind this veil any more. You are being watched. How are you going to handle the veil removal to see what is revealed underneath the pretentiousness?

Ball is in your court, but we are watching. Closely. Are you going to be the hero, or just wait to see if you become the villain? Many of us are concerned it's the latter.

Most Sincerely for the Children,

~Erica Williams
a very concerned parent

**********

With all of that said, I feel the need to put it in open-letter form so that many of you will be informed of things that are actually happening within this district. Those who don't want to believe anything is wrong because your kid isn't seemingly affected. But it affects every child in the district.

If these irrational decisions continue from the top, it's going to bite everyone in every school building, and within the families. You will see a greater rise of homeschooling (which I've already seen happen out of this district, by the way).

If you are ones who refuse to question what is happening, you are part of the problem. If you kissing their hands or hineys, you are part of the problem. Eventually, you will see the brunt of this. Especially if you have kiddos still going thru this district.

So, to those reading this within the Independence School District, who's willing to speak up? Many of you are willing to just speak quietly, but we need to get loud. But in a diplomatic way. Name calling & nasty language will get you no where. But we need to corner these folks on the board and the superintendent to let them know what we think. I'm willing speak to them beyond just what I print. If I wasn't willing to talk to them, then I wouldn't put it out there.

Anyone willing to speak up, too? Or share this open letter? Or write your own?

Email, call, write, get word out. We need to let them know we mean business when it comes to our kids, their education, their futures, as well as the treatment of the educators who are trying to invest in the kids if they are given the chance.

Stay tuned...

God Bless, AM~Erica

~~~~~~~~~~

*UPDATE* (May 15, 2015)

In amazing news....the board has reconsidered & will now leave the squad alone by allowing the same arrangement as this past year. Not sure if this open letter helped or not, but I do know the squad played a big part in it. Leave it to talented speakers & debaters!

From my understanding, the superintendent wasn't willing to budge...but the board decided to override that. This speaks volumes as to how the district is being run & hope it sends a message for how things should be taken care of in the future.

Change can happen!! This is amazing news!!

AM~Erica Will Be Calling Him Out...Again

So anyway...

I'm pulling my soapbox back out. So just know that this post is not fluffy or fun. We are gonna get down to business...

*ahem*

This weekend, Teen Boy's speech & debate squad was to be helping run a district-wide, state qualifying tournament with another school, within the school district, due to some coach sharing from crazy chess playing of teachers & admin within the school district. So, the kids from my son's high school missed a day of school while taking the day to set up everything at the other school to be ready to welcome in squads from many other schools in the state.

Our squad had been prepping for  quite some time for this, as well as prepping their own pieces to try to win over judges so they could increase their chances of getting a bid for state, and maybe even nationals. For them to help host this tournament, which is a required tournament to have, is a big deal.

They took the day to get set, find rooms, welcome schools, get tab rooms set up with computers for helping, judges, missing lunch (because they were going to eat right before the official start of the tournament), and much, much more. Imagine our shock when our son called, at the end time of the regular school day, to say the entire tournament was cancelled just minutes before called.

Wait...WHAT??

*****

Remember a few weeks ago when I TOLD YOU ABOUT OUR SUPERINTENDENT? It just keeps escalating. Nothing to redeem himself to soften the blow of any of these decisions. Just a seemingly power-hungry guy who took the position from inside the district when the last guy left to take a position just across the state line. Red flags were going up, but we were willing to give this new-to-the-position guy a chance.

There are several things I could go into right now about a lot of this. But I won't. Instead, I will just say again that he has done "nothing to redeem himself to soften the blow of any of [his] decisions."

*****

That being said, and with the reminder from just a few weeks ago, he has struck again.

With schools already showing up to check in for the tournament, even some on charter busses that had obviously come far enough that they were probably staying the night for this tournament, were told to get back on their busses, turn around & go home.

See, it's Missouri. We have weird weather. We know know this. Our winter has been very strange this year. When all the big snows were being called for, they fizzled out quickly & became nearly nothing. But call for "a few flurries," and we get an inch of accumulated snow. Figures.

As it was being called for this weekend, there was supposed to be some pretty nasty stuff maybe starting on Friday night & on Saturday. When Friday morning hit, all the predictions calmed way down. There might be some stuff overnight on Friday into Saturday, but it wasn't the "event" they first thought. So, even with some possible nasty weather overnight on Friday, the tournament could still happen, and the school was ready to possibly cancel/postpone Saturday's events. No big deal...

...but then they got word that our almighty superintendent decided they needed to cancel ALL extracurricular activities for the weekend due to impending weather. Everyone was to close shop and go home! Except...
...my son's high school courtwarming basketball game was the same night. Guess what got to keep going. Ugh. And, according to an tweeted answer to my hubby's frustrated question to the superintendent was that the speech & debate tourney could be rescheduled, but the basketball game could not. Yes...he said that...out in the open, on Twitter.

If absolutely ALL events had been cancelled, it would still be frustrating, but understood. That whole "looking out for the wellbeing of the kids" thing. But...that wasn't really it. It was a publicity stunt. Well, that's how it appears. All the work the kids put in the entire day was a wash. They were told that all the work they'd put in all day had to be taken down as quickly as possible & to find a way home.

When we went to pick our son up from the other school, we were shocked by the hoards of highschoolers leaving to board busses...even the charter busses...and it was obvious they were there for the tournament. Why? They were all in suits & dress wearing letterman jackets from other schools, grouped together by the same school colors. And as quickly as they were leaving, and we were watching the kids from our own squad walking out with steam shooting out of their ears, we began to find out there was the serious problem of the basketball game NOT being called off.

So, as usual, our superintendent was having to deal with a firestorm of tweets. Why do I keep bringing up the tweets? Well...it's the only way it seems he has chosen to communicate with anyone, if he hasn't already blocked them.
My hubby, as I said, sent a tweet to him wanting to know why events like the speech & debate tournament could be cancelled but not the game. Sadly the response said the tourney could be rescheduled & the game could not. He'd also told folks that only one bus would be in danger of the weather instead of several.
*face palm*

If you are in charge of canceling activities because of impending weather so no one will be in danger, but you allow a high-profile game, that makes money, so only a few will be put in danger is such a hypocritical statement to make. If activities need to be cancelled...then cancel ALL activities! The suspicion of sports taking precedence over any other activity became fact in one-fell-swoop of a decision.

Oh, you better know I tweeted him a major thread to him about how he looks to many right now. Our kids, our squads, our faculty were all thrown under the bus (pun honestly NOT intended) in a hurry.

Oh yes...I said all of that. And I know he read it since he followed my twitter feed as I was tweeting like crazy. However, even though I received no response, I know he was done reading my thread by promptly unfollowing me. He couldn't tow the company line with this like he did with with my hubby & many others.

Now then, remember that all of these events were cancelled for the weekend due to the weather. The weather didn't turn out to be much. Some slick spots, but it got above freezing very quickly. Heck, my hubby & I both went for a run in the beautiful sunshine. I'm not kidding.

I would like to point out there has been a lot of frustrated tweets going out with the positive hashtag of #isdstrong. So, of course, this hashtag has been used with much sarcasm.

This hashtag has been used for both positive & negative messages, depending on where you fall in this debacle. So I checked the hashtag results today. Guess what! My son's activities director tweeted the hashtag to let everyone know that the courtwarming dance was still a go for tonight & to have fun when you show up.

Do you feel frustrations rising? What made it worse was the fact that the school's STUCO replied to it saying:

Oh yes, folks...the dance can still happen. But nothing else could. Amm-i-rite?

We all know this could have been rescheduled. I'm all about high school rite-of-passage memories, but they are not set in stone. These can be rescheduled, like most everything else.

So, of course, I had to respond to this and bring in the almighty:

As you can bet, none have responded to me. This all looks so bad right now.

We have national qualifiers, for the school, in the speech & debate squad. These tournaments have many more life skills for these young men & women as they enter their adult life. If you want to look to the futures, the district needs to rearrange their priorities. Theater, DECA, Choir, Band...just to name a few, have much more impact on a larger group of high schoolers dealing with preparing their futures thru these & the competitions involved. Sports do the same, but all focus is put on the sports part. And it's deafening to all the kids being shoved to the side.

So, it's bad enough that the decision to cancel all of this stuff was already made before honestly checking the latest updates of wether, but to shove all to the side for their "safety" but to say the courtwarming game AND dance may commence is a giant slap in the overall district's face.

This is not the sign of a leader. And it's terribly disappointing.

Tax money...tax money...ego...TV face time...ego...tax money...tax money...

And for those who say I should run for school board to help cover this, there's reasons I cannot, and I cannot go into those reasons here. Also, I do volunteer within the schools when I can & stay quite active. Trust me, I'm not the only one who sees this stuff happening. There could be an uprising from this part of the state.

Stay tuned...

God Bless, AM~Erica

AM~Erica Has Come to an End of a Bittersweet Journey...Emphasis on "Sweet"

So anyway...

After about a 5 & half year path taken...the journey came to an end today.

Many of you know Lil Guy...just at different parts of his life. And if you don't really know...YOU CAN FIND OUT SOME BACKGROUND HERE. (be entertained & see how my blogging has evolved)

After watching "The Avengers", Lil Guy asked which Avenger he would be. Hands down...Captain America (aka - Steve Rogers). I'll explain why later...

However, there is something we fought for a very long time with him. His speech. This has been quite a battle we have been trying to get thru as he has fought so hard...

For a long time, we figured he wouldn't try to talk because he had older siblings who would totally talk for him. Makes sense, amm-i-rite? We would try to get him to speak...but when he was about a year & a half to about 2, he was only saying 3 things:

1. "No"
2. "Yah" (his version of "yes")
3. "Hah" (his way of saying "hot")

He loved rice at the time...so we'd try to convince him to say "rice"...he would respond back with word #1, above.

Lil Guy is so young here. During a time he would refuse to talk much if at all.
So cute...and so frustrating, too.

As he did eventually try to start talking...it wasn't all coming out quite right. We got in a very frustrating situation. Either we couldn't understand him...or he just wouldn't say anything at all.

Remember when I brought up in MY POST ABOUT GIVING ADVICE about Lil Guy being a leash kid? Some of you remember him as "The Leash Kid" with his little monkey backpack on. He got his brother's sense of exploration & his sister's sense of wandering...and all of this without talking to us about it. It was frightening during many, MANY occasions! My heart is racing right now thinking about those days...

He was frustrated because we couldn't communicate with him. We got him into preschools (well, where I worked), and the teachers had the same frustrations...and he would sneak out of their classrooms. We are blessed that I worked in those places...that was the only saving grace from him not being expelled...I'm sure of it!

Finally, we got him looked at...and after several ear infections, we thought there might be an issue. There was...
Poor Lil Guy had steady fluid in his ears. It just wouldn't move & was muffling anything he was hearing...which meant that was the reason we had such an issue understanding him trying to speak. He wasn't hearing anything right! So, we got him into an ENT & it was determined he needed tubes in his ears after a series of testing. We agreed! He was going to need speech therapy, too.

Well, right before time came for his tube insertion surgery...the doctor's office called & canceled. Not "postponed"...actually CANCELLED! We were shocked & demanded to know why. We were told there was a clause in our insurance that they weren't comfortable with...so the aborted the operation. Basically...they were more concerned about getting their money. Oh man...now I'm getting angry about it all over again...

*breathe in...breathe out*

Well...we never got to see another doctor & didn't get it rescheduled. This is while we were still in St. Louis.

However...thru a complicated turn of events...there was a speech pathologist who could work with him at his preschool. It took a lot of cutting thru red tape, a lot of signing our lives & souls away, meetings, talking to different teams from different districts...it was just short of getting NASA involved...but we were going to do what we could. He was 2 & a half...and the journey began...

It was going pretty well...and loved his pathologist! But we ran into a new situation...I got a new job...and that took me away from the preschool...and, sadly, this awesome pathologist. *sigh*

This led us to finding a new daycare & a new preschool. The new preschool was amazing! It was thru the public schools, so it was free...and he would get the focused & extra help he desperately needed! My only concern was whether or not this place was for real...
Once we figured out this was for real...we jumped on board!

Lil Guy made amazing strides! Here was this 3yo who we were finally beginning to really understand! Imagine my shock when I picked him up one day, and his little class had been discussing emotions. He sat in his car seat behind me & proclaimed as plain as the sun in the sky, "Mama, I am very frustrated with this!" I think I stomped on my brakes out of disbelief and nearly repeated him..."Did you just say that you are 'very frustrated with this'?" He responded with, "Ye-sssssss." (he was working VERY hard on finishing his words)

Eventually...after much hard work, one-on-one classroom time & more work with another pathologist (that we really did like), we got some news that I was torn about: they were going to have to give him up since he exceeded their levels in that class. It was so bittersweet since we really loved his teaching team & pathologist. After shedding a few tears...he moved onto another class. It was a bigger class & would ready him better for kindergarten since he had just turned 5 at that point.

He was still far from where he needed to be...but communication was at amazing levels! His ears cleared up on their own & he was working VERY hard on forming his words. When we would correct him, he wouldn't hesitate to try again until he got it right a couple of times. It's warming my heart thinking about it again...

Then...another change was happening...we moved again. We came back to the KC area & had to set up a new IEP (Individual Education Plan). This was not new to us any longer. We had to meet with teachers & teams a few times to set goals, see where he was at & see what goals have been met...that kind of thing. And not only was a new goal setting in order...he was also beginning kindergarten. Whew! That's my baby...my LAST one starting a whole new chapter in his little life...

I remember one of the meetings we were supposed to have to update the IEP if needed. His super sweet Kindergarten teacher was so angry in this meeting. Why? It's because we had to put down that he had a disability in order to keep receiving services. After seeing how far he'd worked & had come...and knew he had a slowed development in his speech because of his ears early on...this was not an issue for hubby & I. It was infuriating to his teacher...
She was upset because he was so smart & so social...she just didn't understand...
We informed her it was fine. And he continued to work so hard...

Lil Guy at his Kindergarten graduation: Teacher at the podium & shaking hands with the principal

Keep in mind...even while he wasn't talking right at age 2...he was still very social & a total ladies man! He could make a friend in the blink of an eye! It was wild to watch. He was even in a preschool classroom of 20: 5 of them were boys...and of the 15 girls, 14 of them were blondes. And most of them were in love with my son. HE COULDN'T EVEN TALK TO THEM RIGHT!!!

Last year, he was the most popular kid in his class...all the kids wanted to be in his group &/or try to sit by him. Going to speech didn't bother the other kids at all! It's a beautiful thing...

When this year rolled around, not only was he only having a couple of speech & language issues, he remains to be very popular (it's always been that way), he does super well in school...excelling at everything he does: reading, math, spelling...he just hates writing. But he keeps pushing himself, too.

He's one of the top readers in his class, he's on the student council, and he excels at sports...and is quite the leader. See? Very Captain America! And he is always willing to help out!

Tall for his age, good looking, leader, athletic, big heart...yep...totally Captain America!

His teachers always brag on him...so does the principal. He is very helpful to others, too. Lil Guy does have a big heart. And I truly believe it's because he can hang with the most popular of kids as well as the outcast ones...like many who go to speech.

I do believe this journey has molded more in him than just his speech & language.

He got to be a voice of a puppet for the children's Christmas play at church and have a line to say during VBS (Vacation Bible School) Sunday. These moments choke me up...this is something that I didn't know if he'd ever be able to do...

We've already had some of the IEP meetings this year. He's always done well & the speech pathologist loves him! So does his teacher. And still the principal.

Today...
*ahem*
Today...was a strange & bittersweet meeting...
After discussing that he's met his goals...and after some thorough testing, we were told his journey is complete. He is officially released from speech therapy services. Done. Over.

A long fought battle...and an hard journey has reached its destination.

I'm so proud of Lil Guy! What is has done is beyond amazing! But it's so weird to know we won't have anymore IEP meetings. Done. Over.

What a journey! What a wonderful young man & leader is will become. They've already figured he'll do great things. And that's not the parents talkin'...

And he is the coolest, funniest, goofiest, smartest, most athletic kids I've ever known. *Proud Mama*

Plus...I want to thank all of you who have been behind us thru this whole thing. It's had mostly ups & he's worked so hard! If only many of you could hear him now...I might have to work on that so you can listen to how far he's come & what he's worked so hard toward...

I'm a bit choked up thinking about it.

Stay tuned...

God Bless, AM~Erica