I'm still here. I'm still here. Some days I cannot grasp that I'm still here.
And today is one of those days when I look in a mirror & realize it's OK to be a failure.
Yes...I said it. I'm a failure. And I'm OK with that today.
If you're horrified right now, it's OK. I do understand. I really, really do. But I have my own reasons for being a proud failure. Today.
It's a hard thing for me to share. I SHARED IT LAST YEAR. But it always bears repeating. Why? Because there's so many of you...of us...who need the constant reminder.
That's what this week is all about. September 8-14 is Suicide Prevention Week. Today, September 10th, is World Suicide Prevention Awareness Day. And it's so important!! It so important for so many.
I have a friend that I know from high school who has started something so important...and sadly it's the support from the aftermath.
If you or someone you know has lost a loved one from suicide, I highly recommend what she does. Her name is Jenn, and she has SOLOS ~~ Survivors Of Loved Ones to Suicide ~~. Please checkout her passion for these people. She is one of these people. You should read her heartbreaking story that has brought her to this place. She has a calling. And it's beautiful. And she has helped be a rock for me.
Sometimes you see signs from people when they seem to be going downhill. Sometimes the signs are hard to see. I was so sad & shocked to find out another friend from high school recently died by suicide. He had some hard things in his life, but never realized what a toll it must've taken on him. Just heartbreaking. But I know several other high school friends who stayed very close to him & are still deeply affected by the loss of him.
Jenn is very involved in the survivors' side of things. There's a series of walks she helps with & participates in called "Out of the Darkness." Please check out her Facebook page (the link is above) for details for that. Seriously.
Now then, last year, I MADE A COUPLE OF T-SHIRTS for Suicide Prevention Week. It began with the design that I put on my wrist & went from there. Well I've updated the design...
Not only is there 'LOVE' there, but I made the 'O' into a heart-shape that reflects the appropriate ribbon colors, but still the red color of a heart. I also incorporated the semicolon. Why? There was a beautiful push for the ';' to be put on wrists to remind those hurting that it may only seem like the end, but there's more to come. That gives me chills & makes me well up thinking about it. Simple & poignant. So I incorporated it, too.
I'm not going lie...I have hidden posts. Not so much "hidden"...but more like "unshared". I do have some HARD-HITTING SOAPBOX MOMENTS, but these are different. They are dark, frightening...and maybe that venting saved my own life. I don't shout from the mountaintops when I'm feeling lonely & hurting. I pray, too. A lot. I pray to be a failure in this sense.
So far, I'm a failure. And it's good to share that. Because of it...I am here to share my part of what do go thru from time-to-time. I've been there. I end up there. I don't like it there...but sometimes, in a horrible way...it's a comfortable & familiar place. It's easy to head back there. Would you know if I was there?
Now the question is whether or not you would actually know about the others around you. Would you know if they were in a deep, dark place? Might it be the last time you see them because of it.
I found this to be an interesting full-circle moment:
Almost 2 years ago, Kansas City lost a very popular meteorologist to suicide. Apparently Don Harmon had been fighting depression for a long time. The one morning I didn't tune in to the Fox 4 KC newscast (and I'm not sure why I missed it), but apparently he was acting not-quite-right. So much so, that viewers were asking about how Don was doing & if things were OK. Sadly...later that day...Don took his own life. The next morning, the anchors just kept saying that once they had more information, they would let everyone know. It was so odd. It was because they were trying to let all family know.
It was so sad to find out what had happened. I remember watching the morning newscast as they were crying & laughing & sharing memories. I'm still choked up thinking about it.
Today, September 10, 2013 marks the 1-year anniversary of the new meteorologist brought in to Fox 4 KC. I found that interesting. World Suicide Prevention Awareness Day marks the 1 year since they brought someone in to officially fill the absence of Don with Michelle Bogowith. But that's my own observation. She is a good addition & is completely different from Don...which was a good call.
But these are some things to think about as we continue this week. Take care of yourselves; take care of others. Encourage this kind of failure.
And I am thinking of my friends that came to me privately last year with their own struggles. And there was more than one of my friends who shared their struggles with me. And I was surprised by those who privately came forward. But I hope you all are still doing OK. I think about your struggles, too.
Stay tuned;
God Bless, AM~Erica
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