If there's anyone who doesn't know me well, hasn't seen or connected with me in years, or for anyone who needs a reminder...I'm married to a pastor. Being MARRIED TO MY PRINCE CHARMING does also make me ONE OF THOSE PASTOR'S SPOUSE PEOPLE.
If you need to know how different we all are, please read the above link. Please. It's important to those of us in that title role. Seriously.
And it's the reason I am writing this post today. Because it's hard for us. I don't think a non-pastor/pastor spouse really get it. Because of this, we are clumped together in a group & are treated exactly the same way as any person-on-the-street &/or the general parishioner would treat the other pastor spouses they meet. I get it. But it's frustrating.
My fellow pastor spouses...especially the wives...do understand & go thru the same type of frustrations we deal with weekly, if not daily. We are all expected to be the PW's of old, just waiting to cook a large meal for the women's group or Sunday School class, sing in the choir &/or play the piano, and demurely follow in our husband's shadow wherever he goes & know everything that might be going on so that someone might think they can get a run on the pastor if they go thru the spouse first. Grrrrrr...!!!!!
I cannot stress enough that my hubby got the call to ministry. And the family (which is a whole post by itself) needs to meld with God's call. And, we do go along with the call. We know he is strong in the calling & know that's what my hubby needs to be doing! But I certainly don't fill that "demure pastor's wife" role. I'm probably not going to cook for an entire Sunday School class. I don't mind singing...but I'm not in the choir. I don't play the piano or the organ. I know, I know...BLASPHEMOUS! Right?
People do need to know that my calling is elsewhere. I like one-on-one conversations with people. I'm a good listener. I'm also into the field of performing: speaking, acting, dancing, costuming. I am not quiet. I don't walk in my hubby's shadow. He & I are like one in spirit & soul...but we have our own identities.
The point I am trying to get to is that there are the folks that actually GET THAT!! The ones that know I'm my own person. The ones that I can have an open conversation with. Some of them are church folk. Some of them are not. But I appreciate these people more than you know! The ones that don't assume I know what's going on. The one's that know not to come to me for church information. The ones that check on me for me. The ones that know where I am different from other folks & pastor spouses. The ones that know I'm not my hubby's church messenger.
These are the folks that I truly appreciate. I love the people at my church. I love God's children. But I am truly the most recharged by those who can & will advocate for ME being me...outside of my hubby.
Anyone who reads this that talks to me for me...I thank you. You are an absolute blessing! You have no idea. The ones who don't come to talk to me so you can have an in with my hubby.
Trust me, if that's why you try to talk to me, I know it...and your message probably won't reach my hubby. I don't appreciate being used. And that's what you are doing, even if you don't think so.
I love getting connected with my "rechargers". Even if it's a deep conversation, a serious one, or a not-so-serious one...the fun respect & understanding that comes out of those friendships mean more than you know!
I am a pastor's spouse...and I have been burdened with glorious purpose! (Oh yes...I just went there...)
God Bless, AM~Erica
Right on, Erica Williams! Well said. The Beems think you rock!
ReplyDeleteAnd we think the Beems rock, too! Thanks for the great convo yesterday...and I hope you apologized to your youngest for me.
DeleteHe knows you're da boss.
ReplyDelete