Tuesday, June 26, 2012

AM~Erica is a Fabulous Dental Patient

So anyway...

Let's just say it right off that I had dental work done. Boy, did I ever...

I must say it was quite the adventure. And I knew that it was going to be long visit, but had no idea it would be anything like this!

The 4 out of 5 of us needing work had our appointment set at 4:30. We got there about 5 minutes beforehand. We were called back, but to take care of payment set up & all that wonderfully-icky stuff when the dentist came over & said they were running behind due to a "belligerent patient." Apparently this guy was horrible & used most of their manpower to get his mouth worked on, so it put them about half an hour behind. Whatever.

Eventually, Teen Boy was called back. A little bit later, Teen Girl got her turn...which she went back timidly. Then...it was to be my turn. Lil guy didn't need any work, but he decided to head back with me. But he really wanted to walk around & check on his siblings. I checked on 'em, too. They were being numbed & letting it get good & set in.

Then, it was my turn. But not before I put on my star & rainbow-colored tiara along with my brightly colored & sparkly boa. I knew my face was going to be droopy & weird, so I had to be fabulous somehow! Sure I was a spectacle in the office, but I was fabulous...even with the drool bib subtly accessorizing my boa.

So...my gums were swabbed with that weird numbing gel & then the injections came into play. It all happened pretty quickly.

But I'm pretty...right? RIGHT?? Even though I felt like a neanderthal...

The dentist was kind enough to tell me, at that point, that I looked like a stroke victim. Awesome.

And, as the whole process went...I went through 4 assistants. Yep. A whole 4. But, in the 3 hours I was worked on (yes...a whole 3 hours), I had to be numbed, have teeth drilled, have fillings put in, and have a deep cleaning. But the assistants were all very nice. I had a numb mouth & pretty much didn't care what they did.

One of them said I had nice eyes & pointed out the brown dot I have in one of my eyes. Another assistant, Hans (I know his name since it was airbrushed on the front & back of his shirt in bright green), told me I reminded him of La Roux. That was really nice, but I informed him, in my numbed, forced-open mouth state that, " wi oh eh-oh-uh!" Yes, I attempted to say, "With more emotion." Hans understood me & then got all excited since I knew who La Roux was. LOL! Then he also pointed out the lead singer of the Cranberries, too! (aka - Dolores O'Riordan)

So...do you agree? *shrugs*

Hans was also digging my outfit...boa, tiara & all! Woot! And we enjoyed humming along to the 80's background music from the speakers. I could do that!

Hans is the one that did my deep cleaning & was told to go at it "aggressively". Seriously. He even reminded me that the dentist gave the orders.

So...I got major stain-scraping, hardcore polishing & tough flossing. And he got pretty aggressive. I even attempted to remind him, "AH-WEH-IH!" Yes, that's how it came out.

Do you remember Bill Cosby's dentist bit? >> click here to watch <<
Yes...this is a lot of how it went & how I sounded afterward. Seriously.

My hubby's took a bit longer. So we were at the dentist's office for 4 hours. YIKES! We left after 8:30...the kids were starving & their numbing was wearing off. Not mine! So off for milkshakes. McDonald's was in order, apparently. Lil guy got a Mighty Kids Meal, the other "patients" got chocolate milkshakes & fries...then there was me. I could only muster getting a chocolate milkshake. I was so numb, I couldn't even tell if I was chewing on my cheeks or tongue. I could taste tingling at times.

I eventually started getting feeling back. By almost 11:00 PM, the lower left quadrant of my face still had ZERO feeling! YIKES! I got numbed at around 5:15. that's a really long time!

As for this morning...we are all sore & slightly sensitive in our mouths. Well, all except lil guy.

So...here's a few things I learned at the dentist office:

1. When you need dental work, it's just like Bill Cosby says.

2. The dentist & dental assistants (my friend, Julie, calls them "Dentites") will want you to carry on a conversation...even with your mouth totally incapacitated.

3. A totally numb lower jaw will make you feel like you have a neanderthal mouth.

4. Tingling tastes weird.

5. When there is a lot of water involved in a cleaning...you will get a face shower.

6. When told to swish water when the assistant forgets you are very numb, holding your mouth closed & shaking your head really hard works pretty well. (Thanks, Hans)

7. Watching powder from your teeth flying into the air when drilled is weird...and smells bad, too. Like your mouth is on fire. (see #1)

8. You can still look fabulous in a tiara & boa at the dentist's office.

9. A dental deep cleaning is nothing like a deep tissue massage. I stand corrected.

10. Trying to spoon or suck a milkshake thru a straw is hard when your mouth is numb, but is entertaining to others.

And...one of the best things I heard said throughout this whole adventure is one from the dentist, who couldn't get the suction thingy to work:

"Oh! This sucks! Wait...I mean it sucks that the suction thing doesn't suck...*sigh* OK, bad choice of words."

Oh...and now, not only am I sore & sensitive, but I'm slightly puffy, too. Looks like I might need to sport my tiara for another day. You know...as a fabulous deterrent.

Stay tuned...

God Bless, AM~Erica

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